Disturbia
by I Can Kill You With My Brain
Summary: River's time at the Academy, and her descent from happy schoolgirl to paranoid schizophrenic/psychic assassin.
1. Arrival

**Chapter 1**

River Tam rested her head against the window of the train, willing the journey to be over already. She had been cooped on this train for what felt like hours. To make matters worse, she was the only one in the whole car.

She was traveling to her new school, the Academy. The school was only for the brightest students in the whole 'verse, and she was one of them. When she had gotten the pamphlet, she had been almost catatonic with joy. Her father and mother had agreed, and now she was finally going.

She was going to miss Simon though. Her school was to far away to see him often, but she had promised to write every day.

Finally, the train slowed before screeching to a halt. She peered eagerly out the windows, but all she could see was blackness.

She stood up and pulled her suitcase, packed full of new clothes, out from under her seat. She picked up her copy of Jane Eyre, an old novel from Earth-That-Was, and walked to the door, which slid open for her.

She stepped out and looked around, eager for her first glimpse of the school, then frowned in disappointment. There was a light, but it was dim, and didn't show much. There was a path, and she deduced that the school was still a little way off, which was why she couldn't see it yet.

A small cough caused her to spin around, her heart hammering. A middle-aged man stood there, leaning against the train that she had just gotten off of.

He was rather tall, with pale brown hair. The night was to dark for River to determine eye color.

"Ms. Tam?" he asked. He had a nice voice, she reflected. It was soothing. She shot him a smile.

"Yes, that's me." He nodded, and peeled himself off the train, walking towards her.

"I'm one of the staff at your new school. I came down to take you up to the school." He glanced at her bag. "Do you want me to take that for you?"

River hesitated for a fraction of a second before handing it over. There wasn't anything really important in there, just clothes and school supplies.

He gave her another smile and started walking up the path she had noticed earlier. "I apologize that you have to walk a little longer, you must be tired."

She nodded. She had been too excited to sleep on the train, and the journey had taken several hours.

"A little." He shifted her bag to his other hand and continued walking.

"You're going to share a room, I hope that that's all right?" River smiled and nodded, but she felt a small pang of worry. What if her roommate didn't like her? What if she didn't care about school or dancing as much as she did? What if she were much smarter than River and became annoyed that River couldn't keep up with her?

She quickly shoved those thoughts out of her mind. She could worry when she met her for the first time.

The man's voice broke into her thoughts. "Ready for your first look at the school?" River eagerly moved forwards, then felt her breath catch in her throat.

The school was large and white with many windows, all of which were spilling light onto the immaculate grounds. She spotted tennis courts, a swimming pool, and a large track.

"Yes, it's nice isn't it?" Remarked the man, peering at her curiously.

"Do we get to use all this stuff?" asked River, delighted at the prospect. The man nodded.

"Only if you have gym class, or special permission though. We don't want anyone to get hurt." River barely listened as he guided her towards the front door. She was to busy imagining her new life at this school where everyone was like her.

The inside of the school was also white, with marble floors. There were many doors, all closed. The nice man explained that these were the classrooms.

"Here's your room," he said, leading her to a black door set down one of the many hallways. "Your roommate might already be here, so I'll leave you two to get acquainted. Orientation is tomorrow at eight, in the cafeteria." He put her suitcase down next to her and turned to go.

"What's your name?" River called after him quickly. He turned slowly and smiled at her.

"My name's Doctor Mathias."


	2. Roommate

**Chapter 2**

River watched him go, then quickly turned and eased the door to her room open. She peered inside, but the lights were off and she couldn't see anything.

She stepped through, pulling her bag behind her, and quickly shut the door, fumbling for a light switch.

Her fingers finally found one, and she flicked it on, blinking at the bright light that filled the room. It was rather small, with two beds, one of them already occupied.

"What the hell is going on?" asked the other person irritably, not moving from her cocoon of blankets. River blinked, surprised at the voice. It almost sounded like the person was singing, her voice was that high and sweet.

"I'm your new roommate," she said timidly. There was no response for a second, then the girl finally spoke again.

"There isn't any storage or anything, so you'll have to keep your things in your bag. Mine's under my bed. The bathroom is the door next to us, on the right."

River waited for something else, but the lump didn't speak again. Feeling awkward, she dumped her bag on her bed and hurriedly pulled out her pajamas, then flew out the door, turning off the light behind her.

The bathroom was also small, but it had a separate tub and shower, which was nice. There was nothing of her roommate's, which was also nice. River hated slobs. Simon had often told her that she had OCD.

She quickly got dressed and brushed her teeth, then almost sprinted out the door and back into her room, not turning on the light this time.

She pulled her bag off of the bed, and laid down, right on top of her hairbrush. She let out a yelp of pain and pulled it out from under her, chucking it across the room.

A burst of hysterical laughter reminded her that she had a roommate now, and she pulled the covers over her head, feeling mortified.

_Great first impression_, she thought bitterly to herself, _your roommate must think that you're a nutcase._

She was deliberating about whether or not to apologize to her roommate now or in the morning when she fell asleep.


	3. Day the First

**Chapter 3**

When River awoke the next morning, the room was filled with gray light. Pulling the covers back and sitting up, she noticed a window in the far wall of her room. She hadn't seen that the night before, probably because it was too dark.

She glanced over to her roommate's bed, but all she could see was a lump under the covers. Getting up carefully so as not to disturb her, she located her watch. It was still on the floor from where she had dropped it last night.

With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she saw that it was already 7:45. She glanced over at her roommate again, but she hadn't moved.

_It's only fair to warn her,_ she thought, walking over to her. She hesitantly reached out and shook her shoulder. An indecipherable mumble came out from under the covers.

"What?" River asked, confused.

"Your hairbrush is next to your foot." River turned red and looked down. Her hairbrush was indeed next to her foot, looking undamaged from her tantrum last night.

"That's not- I mean, orientation starts in-" she glanced at her watch again, "thirteen minutes." She paused for a second, but her roommate didn't move, so she ran back over to her bed and grabbed her clothes and shampoo, before hurtling back to the bathroom.

She showered quickly before pulling on black pants and a plain blue shirt. She had planned to dress up for the first day of school, but that plan was shot to shreds. She ran a brush through her hair and threw it up into a ponytail, running back to her room as she did so.

"Oh thank God," said her roommate's musical voice behind her, "I was afraid that you had gotten lost." There was amusement evident in her tone, but River didn't hear it, she was to busy staring

Her roommate was very pretty, with black hair, golden skin, and large dark brown eyes. She was wearing the exact same thing that River was, but River thought that she looked better in it.

"We're twins!" Her roommate exclaimed happily. River blinked and gave her a hesitant smile. The girl grinned back, then walked quickly over to River and grabbed her arm, pulling her out of the room.

"We're late," she explained. She glanced at River curiously. "What's your name?"

"River. What's yours?"

"Tiri." They rounded a corner. "So, are you, like, a model student or something?" River flushed again, biting her lip. She had endured years of taunts about being the teacher's pet.

"It's all right if you are," Tiri continued. "I'm not. I get in trouble a lot, because I talk back to the teachers. I tend to correct them a lot, because they're wrong a lot."

"I've always wanted to do that," confessed River. She had done it, once, but she had gotten in so much trouble it wasn't even worth it.

Tiri grinned at her.

"Well, now you can. We'll be the school's badasses." Seeing River's horrified expression, she burst out laughing. "Not really."

The turned one more corner and River suddenly found herself in a large room, filled with tables. One wall had a buffet style area. All of the tables were filled with students, and all eyes were on the pair of them.

"Ms. Tam, Ms. Massri, thank you for joining us," said a sarcastic voice. River, turning, saw that it belonged to Dr. Mathias.

She flushed and hurried to an empty seat, but Tiri just beamed like she had been given a great compliment and dropped into the seat next to her.

"Ignore him," she hissed, "We're, like, five minutes early." River smiled gratefully at her friend.

"All right, now that we're all here, I'd like to welcome you all to this school," said Dr. Mathias. "This school, as you know, is only for the best and brightest minds in the whole universe. All of you are here for a reason. You will be given your course schedules soon. Remember, this school is a privilege. If you prove that you are not mature enough to be here, you will be kicked out."

He glanced around to make sure that his words were sinking in. "Furthermore, no fighting and bullying will be tolerated at this school. Also, I know that this may be unusual for a school that is so very advanced, but we do have a strict paper policy for tests, schedules, and other things. This is due to the fact that in this school we have some of the smartest people in the universe, and they might think that it is funny to make it difficult for others, or they might cheat." He gave them a stern glance that signified that it would be _very_ unwise to cheat.

With that, he left the podium that he was standing at and went over to a stack of papers. He rifled through them, then began walking around and passing them out to people. River decided, based on his haphazard way of passing them out, that these were there course schedules.

When Dr. Mathias handed hers to her, he gave her a smile, but handed Tiri's to her with a warning glance. Tiri smiled back evilly.

"What classes are you taking?" Tiri asked when he was gone, craning her head to get a good look. River handed her schedule over, hoping that Tiri wouldn't brand her as a snobby, stuck-up girl for taking he hardest classes the Academy had to offer.

"Hey, you're taking all the classes I am!" exclaimed Tiri delightedly. River reached over and ripped Tiri's schedule from her grasp and compared it to her own.

"At the same time to," she commented lightly, "Except when I have my dance class you have your singing class." She smiled at Tiri. "I'm so glad, I thought you were going to think I was a snob." Tiri smirked at her.

"Are you kidding? I knew we were going to be friends the second you chucked your hairbrush across the room. I'm just glad that you're smart, I do hate going slow."

They got up together and started for their next class, Physics. They were both in the graduate program together.

"How old are you?" asked River. Tiri shrugged.

"The same age as you. Fourteen." River looked at her in surprise.

"How did you know I was fourteen?"

"Because they wouldn't have put us together as roommates if you weren't the same age as me genius." River laughed and stuck her tongue out at Tiri.

"You're a bitch. Just wait until we're in class. I'll mop the floor with you." Tiri laughed to.

"Words!" River stopped in front of one of the doors.

"This is it." She reached over and knocked twice.

"Come in!" called a voice. River opened the door and walked in. The classroom was already filled with people, all a lot older and taller than Tiri and herself.

An older woman stood at the front of the class. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, her blue eyes rather cold.

"You're looking for the Intro to Physics class. It's next door," she said brusquely, turning back to her lecture.

"We're supposed to be here," River said quickly, feeling rather angry that she had dismissed them so quickly because of their age. She was so sick of people judging her. The woman looked back at her, then nodded.

"Right, I remember now. Take a seat." River glanced sideways at Tiri, who looked like she was going to say something highly uncomplimentary. She reached out and grabbed her wrist, dragging her to a seat located at the back of the classroom.

"Thanks," murmured Tiri. "I told you I have a big mouth." River grinned at her friend, then turned her attention back to the teacher.

"Right," she said, "Where were we? Oh yes, there will be a quiz _right now_ to see how competent you are in this subject. And remember, we have a score chart, which shows who is the top student at this school." She gestured to a piece of paper stuck to the board. River instantly felt nervous. She had always been top of her whole class, even her whole school, but the kids here had also been the top kids in their school to. What if she did poorly?

A paper landed on her desk face down, startling her from her thoughts.

"Ready class? Begin," said the teacher, sitting down at her desk. River flipped the test over and began to write, breezing through the questions. _This is to easy_, she thought, finishing the last question and signing her name with a flourish. She got up, then stopped in surprise as she heard another movement. She looked next to her, and Tiri was standing there, her completed test in her hand.

River felt surprise and a hint of jealousy sweep through her. She was unaccustomed to not being the first one done. She shook it off though and smiled at Tiri, and they walked up to the teacher's desk together, dropping their papers down side by side in front of her.

The teacher looked up with surprise, then frowned and snatched up their papers, reading them both at the same time.

"Did you two cheat off of each other?" she hissed after several moments. River glanced at Tiri in puzzlement then shook her head.

"Why would we cheat?" asked River, "I thought that's why we had all paper tests, so we couldn't hack the mainframe and cheat." The teacher looked at them, suddenly calculating.

"You both have the same answers," she said finally. "It's very rare for children to get a one hundred on this test. It's designed to be very difficult. We want the students to realize that even though they think they're almost done, it's really just the beginning."

River exchanged a confused glance with Tiri. "I thought it was easy," she confessed, hoping she didn't sound like a know-it-all. Before she had left, Simon had pulled her aside and told her to not care what people thought about her, but her days of speaking out had hit rock bottom after she had whizzed through eleventh grade and hit twelfth.

She had endured a constant barrage of teasing, graffiti, and many, many other things.

To her delight, Tiri was nodding to. "I know exactly what you mean," she said. "It was really easy." The teacher nodded slowly.

"Well, I guess I'm going to have my work cut out for me with you two. Go sit quietly in the back of the room while the other children finish their tests." She bent down over her papers, ignoring them.

River followed Tiri back to their seats. She dropped into one then turned and surveyed the classroom. All of the other children, the ones _at least_ three or four years older than herself were still bent over their tests, scribbling frantically.

She felt a pang of momentary sadness, upset that the class would probably be to easy, which was quickly replaced by a sense of joy that she was still top of at least one of her classes. Tiri was just as smart as she was though, but at least they were all ready friends. And, as far as River knew now, Tiri wasn't smarter than her.

"This class is boring," whispered Tiri softly. River shot a quick glance at the teacher, who she thought was called Ms. Robert, and saw that she hadn't seemed to notice.

"I know right?" she whispered back. "And the paper policy, so stupid." Tiri seemed to think about that for a second.

"Well," she whispered finally, "They do have a point. A lot of the best hackers in the universe are at this school. What's to stop them from cheating? But you know what? I bet it's a conspiracy theory. They're trying to cut us off from the outside world."

River rolled her eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you're insane? If not, allow me to be the first." Tiri smiled.

"Oh, you are _so_ not the first. I've lost track of the amount of times I've been told I'm crazy. It's sad really."

River grinned at her friend. She had just opened her mouth to respond to that when the teacher stood up.

"Pass your papers to the front of your row please. You should be done by now. If not, well, maybe you shouldn't be in here. And please, no talking in the back row there."

River and Tiri burst into silent giggles. River doubled over, slapping her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. Tears streamed down her face, and a quick look at Tiri showed that she was laughing just as hard, if not harder.

"Why are we laughing?" River managed finally. Tiri shrugged helplessly, still giggling softly.

River felt a rush of pleasure. It had been a long time since she had had a friend like Tiri.

"Right then," said the teacher calmly, pointedly ignoring the laughing students in the back row. "Class is almost over, so I will allow you to talk to your fellow classmates. This is a one-time thing, and I will not allow you to do this again. So make the most of it." With that she sat down, going back to her stack of test papers.

River glanced with surprise at her watch. The class was an hour long, but there was only ten minutes left.

"This class goes by quickly," she said to Tiri. Tiri nodded.

"You won't be thinking that when she starts teaching. Five dollars says that you all ready know most of what she's teaching." River shook her head.

"I don't have any money, and even if I did, I wouldn't make that bet. I probably _will_ know most of what she's teaching."

A boy suddenly appeared in front of her. He was tall and rather handsome, with brown eyes and black hair. At that moment River didn't particularly like him, probably because of the sneer on his face.

"What's a little mouse like you doing here in the big kid class?" he asked with a sneer. River felt her face flame red. She opened her mouth to say something, but Tiri beat her to it.

"If she's a little mouse, then you're an ugly toad," she said coldly. The boy opened his mouth, then closed it again, taken aback. He mutely turned away and walked off. Tiri watched him go, then turned towards River.

"Ignore him," she said calmly, "He's a moron." River had to smile, even though she was still a little upset by the boy's words. She had thought that being here would stop the teasing.

The bell rang then, and the students stood up, changing classes. River didn't need to check her schedule to know that Advanced P.E. was next. She followed Tiri out of the room and down the hallway.

"How do you know where we're going?" River asked. Tiri turned towards her and gave her a smug smile.

"I memorized the school map. For fun." River shook her head.

"That sounds like something I would do," she said with a laugh. Tiri grinned and handed her a piece of paper. River looked at it in confusion.

"What is this?" Tiri smiled at her.

"The school map," she said calmly. River smiled and opened it, memorizing it as they walked. Less than a minute later she folded it up and handed it back to Tiri.

"Done." Tiri grinned at her.

"If you're so smart, you lead the way," she joked, laughing. River smiled back at her.

"Turn left here." They did, and arrived in a large room. The walls were white, and the floor was rubber cement. The ceiling towered almost twenty feet above River's head.

"Awesome," breathed Tiri. River nodded in agreement. There were other children in the room. River counted fourteen. Almost all of them were boys, with a few girls thrown in.

A whistle blew suddenly, startling River. She looked around for the source of the noise and saw that it belonged to a short woman with fly-away gray hair and a stern expression.

"Everyone in the center of the ring!" she snapped angrily. River and Tiri moved to obey.

"She could be a drill sergeant," whispered River to Tiri. Tiri nodded.

"Now then, my name is Coach Klapp," said the woman calmly. "This is an advanced class for good reason. You will be expected to work hard. Any one not able to meet my expectations will be put into the regular P.E. class. Questions?" Coach Klapp glanced around at the class, but no one raised their hand.

"Right then," she continued, slapping her hands together. "So that I know what you're capable of, you will be playing one of my personal favorite games, dodgeball."

River started to smile, she loved dodgeball. She nudged Tiri, who nudged her back.

"You will all divide into teams of two," Coach Klapp said. "The game is that the last team left standing is the best, and the winners. And remember, there is no 'I' in team."

River looked at Tiri.

"There's an 'I' in win," she pointed out. Tiri burst out laughing. River blushed as everyone turned to look at them, and nudged Tiri hard to shut her up. Tiri, tears streaming down her face, finally managed to choke out a coherent sentence.

"Do you want to be on my team?" she managed, before stuffing her fist back inside of her mouth so that Coach Klapp, who was glaring at her, wouldn't yell at her. River grinned at her, happy that Tiri asked her. At home, she was never a popular team player, even though she was probably the best athlete in the school.

"Only if you stop laughing," she said, trying to sound stern. Tiri smiled and straightened up, removing her hand and brushing off some tears.

"I'm fine," she announced, still sounding slightly breathless. River motioned to the other students, who were quickly forming into teams, chattering loudly.

"They are going to be so easy to beat," River said, already calculating the best strategy. Tiri nodded, and from the look on her face, River could tell she was doing the same.

River looked at Coach Klapp, who was standing, arms crossed, in front of a bucket of rubber balls.

"Let's go get one," River ventured, unused to having a partner, much less one like Tiri. Tiri nodded in agreement and walked over to the bucket, bending down to grab one. She glanced back at River and waved, then walked back.

"Is it just me, or is it weird that we don't have gym uniforms?" Tiri asked. River frowned at her.

"Didn't you read the brochure?" she questioned, remembering her own thorough inspection of the piece of paper. Tiri shook her head.

"I only skimmed it," she explained. "All I was interested in was when I could go."

"Well, since the Academy is all about individuality and originality, they don't have uniforms, mostly because they think it makes us look alike and they want us to think outside of the norm." Tiri looked at her in disbelief.

"So, if I showed up in a tight dress with stilettos, I would be allowed to wear it?" River smirked.

"I don't think individuality goes that far dear," she said teasingly. Tiri chucked the ball at her, grinning. River grabbed it and was about to throw it back when the whistle rang out again.

"When I say go, the game will commence!" shouted Coach Klapp. River grabbed Tiri and began to pull her away from the group of kids that was gathering in the middle, all of their balls trained gleefully on each other.

"Go!" yelled the coach. Instantly, kids broke ranks and took off, screaming as they ran. In the next twenty seconds, two teams were out.

River sized up the remaining four teams. One look showed they weren't going to be difficult to destroy. River threw the ball at a boy and his friend across the room. It whipped, lightning fast, through the air and smacked the unfortunate boy on the shoulder, sending him sprawling into his partner.

Tiri cracked up, doubling over, then slid to the right as a ball passed her by. River looked over at her and smiled.

Bending down, she picked up the ball and threw it to Tiri, who chucked it at the girl who had dared throw a ball at her. She went down, and then it was only one other team besides themselves.

It was a tall, slim boy with blond hair and freckles; along with his partner, a girl with long red hair. They both clutched balls.

Tiri tapped River on her back and pointed at an abandoned ball several feet way from them. River nodded and easily sprinted towards the ball. Just as she was reaching for it, she heard a ball whip past her ear. She rolled and came up with the ball, throwing it at the space where she had last seen them.

The girl went down with a thud as the ball nailed her on the forehead. Tiri cheered and came over to help River up.

"We owned that game," she said happily. River nodded back, proud at their success.

"What time is it?" she asked. Tiri looked at her, pity in her eyes.

"You're the one with the watch sweetie," she said sarcastically. River stuck her tongue out and glanced at her watch. It was ten. Another hour had flown by.

"Time for lunch," she said, her stomach rumbling. Tiri smiled at her.

"We didn't have breakfast today," she complained. "I'm starving. Seriously, I might just eat that annoying boy from Physics if I don't eat soon."

River smiled at her friend, privately agreeing with her. She turned and exited the gym, trailing behind the crowd of kids that were pouring out of the doors that lined the corridor.

Tiri fell into step beside her, staring at her course schedule with a small frown on her face.

"All the classes are only an hour," she said presently. River glanced at the slip of paper, even though she already knew that.

"I thought that was weird too," she said. "But this course is supposed to be specially designed for learning, so I just went with it. Tiri nodded, still looking distracted.

After a couple more seconds, she snapped it closed and turned towards River.

"I'm hungry," she announced. River smiled as they entered the cafeteria, which was already brimming with students. Some were already sitting down, but the majority were thronged around the buffet area, loading trays with food.

"Let's eat," said River, heading towards the food with Tiri in tow.


	4. Lunch

**Chapter 4**

Several minutes later, River was seated next to Tiri at the table closest to the door, surrounded by chattering students.

River looked down at her plate of lo mein noodles and white rice. Unlike most school food, it looked good. Next to her, Tiri was already eating sesame chicken mixed with vegetables.

"You know, this is actually good," mumbled Tiri. River smirked at her.

"Ever heard of not talking with your mouth full?" she asked sarcastically, taking a bite of lo mein. Tiri rolled her eyes but didn't respond.

One of the girls next to River poked her on the shoulder, and she turned to look at her.

"What do you have next?" asked the girl with interest. She had lots of silvery blond hair piled up in a messy bun on top of her head.

"I have free period," said River, remembering. The girl looked disappointed, then smiled.

"Maybe you'll be in some of my other classes," she said, losing interest and turning away.

Tiri nudged River.

"What do you think free period is for?" she asked, before taking another bite.

River shrugged, she had ben wondering about that.

"I guess we go hang out in our room for a while," she said. "It's probably so we can catch up on our homework or something." Tiri nodded.

River took the last bite of her food then stood up. Tiri followed, her movement an almost exact mirror image.

River dumped her tray into the trash can then stood still, scanning the cafeteria. Next to her, Tiri froze also.

"What are we looking for?" Tiri whispered. River felt a smile tug at her lips.

"I don't know," she whispered back. Tiri pondered that for a second, her eyes still glued to one spot.

"I feel like a spy," she said presently. River bit her lip to keep from laughing.

A boy from a table across the room looked up and noticed the two girls staring at the space around him. He winked and beckoned for them to join him. River spun around, disgust and amusement warring within her.

"I think I was sick," said Tiri, who was laughing softly next to her. They both jumped a mile when someone tapped them on the shoulder.

River spun around, hair whipping behind her, hoping that it wasn't that creepy boy. It wasn't. It was Dr. Mathias.

"Girls, how are you doing?" asked Dr. Mathias politely. River almost burst out laughing again. Tiri's eyes were glazed with tears from her efforts to suppress her giggles, and River thought that hers probably looked the same. Neither one of them answered.

Dr. Mathias blinked, then continued.

"For your first free period, you are to come to the counselor's office," he said. River felt confused, but followed him anyway, Tiri trailing along behind him.

"Why are we going to the counselor's office?" asked River after they had exited the lunch room.

"All will be explained," Dr. Mathias said serenely, turning to the right and pausing outside a door. With a smile, he gestured for them to go inside.


	5. Counselor

**Chapter 5**

River stepped hesitantly into the room, Tiri following, and looked around. The room was almost completely empty, with mirrored walls and a cement floor and ceiling. In the center of the room there was a table with three chairs, two on one side, one on the other. At the table, sat a man.

He smiled at them both and gestured for them both to sit. River sat down and looked at him.

He was average-looking, with brown hair and brown eyes. When he smiled, he showed perfectly even white teeth. There was something strange about the smile though. It didn't reach his eyes.

"Hello," the man said pleasantly. Even his voice was average. River smiled at him.

"Hi," she said. Tiri just looked at him, completely expressionless.

"I'm the counselor at the school, and I'm just checking up on all of the students to make sure that they are happy here, away from home. How's everything going? I trust it's all right."

River decided not to tell him about the teasing of that mean kid, or the surprise of the teacher that she was an advanced student.

"No," she said, widening her smile and lying through her teeth. "Everything's just fine." Tiri gave her an odd look, but the counselor seemed to believe it.

"Of course. But I do have a project that I'm giving everyone, just so they feel more comfortable. I know how hard it is to not be in constant contact with your loved ones, so you will be allowed to make videos and send them. That way, you won't feel quite so homesick."

He beamed at them, obviously proud. River gave him a brilliant smile and leaned over to Tiri.

"Is he for real?" she asked through clenched teeth. She knew all about insane feel-good psychiatrist stuff, but this was just weird.

"I think we're dreaming," muttered Tiri.

"Please pinch me," hissed River, straightening up and trying to make her smile more convincing. The man just looked confused.

Tiri reached over and pinched her hard on the arm. River bit down on her tongue so she wouldn't shriek. The pinch left a throbbing bruise on her upper arm.

"Thank you," she said, not even bothering to smile. Tiri smirked.

"So, I will give you your camera," said the counselor, trying to hurry things along. He bent down and picked something up off the floor, something that River hadn't noticed.

He handed it to her and then waved them to the door. River got up and started walking out, followed by Tiri.

Dr. Mathias waited just outside.

"So, did he explain things clearly?" he asked. River nodded, shifting the small, state-of-the-art camera to her other hand.

"You can put the films in the letters if you want to," Dr. Mathias continued.

"What do we do now?" interrupted Tiri. "We still have another thirty minutes for free time." Dr. Mathias nodded.

"This time is usually when people get caught up on their homework or go to their rooms," he explained. River nodded and reached out to grab Tiri's arm.

"We'll go then," she said calmly, beginning to walk.

"So, who are we sending the videos to?" River asked once Dr. Mathias was out of earshot. Tiri shrugged.

"Send it to your brother," she said. River frowned.

"What about your parents or siblings?"

"We're not close," Tiri said, closing the subject. River nodded, she understood. She had never really been close to her parents either, Simon had basically raised her.

"Then it's settled," she said, opening the door to their room. "We'll send it to Simon."


	6. Video One

**Chapter 6**

"Hello random person who I don't know," sang Tiri, smiling sweetly at the camera. River rolled her eyes. Tiri was so weird.

"He's not random, he's my brother," River explained, waving at the small camera that was propped up onto her bed.

Tiri smiled at her.

"Your brother is a person who I don't know," Tiri said.

"But he's not random," River said, smirking at her friend as she won the argument. Tiri rolled her eyes, conceding the point, then poked River in the ribs.

"I'm sure that he won't be freaked out by two girls making a video, right?" she asked sarcastically.

"It's for our counselor," River explained. "It's to help us cope 'with your feelings of homesickness," she said, imitating the doctor.

Tiri leaned forward.

"I think they're secretly spying on us," she confided. River groaned.

"This is Tiri Simon, she's special." Tiri slapped her lightly on the arm.

"Bitch," she mumbled. River smiled.

"We had Orientation today," she said, conveniently forgetting that they were almost late and Dr. Mathias had yelled at them. "Then we had Physics. One boy called me a little mouse," she confided, feeling a slight pang of anger. "Then Tiri called him an ugly toad."

"That shut him up," broke in Tiri, smiling at the memory of the boy's face.

"Then we played dodgeball in P.E."

"Which we owned."

"And we ate lunch. The food here is actually good."

"Which is probably better than the crap you're eating."

"Then we came here to do this," River finished, turning to glare at Tiri so that she wouldn't interrupt. Tiri gave her a beaming smile and mimed locking her lips.

"Anyway, I miss you lots! And remember, you promised to write!" With that, River shut off the camera.

River groaned as they finished sending the message to Simon, collapsing back onto the bed.

"You know, you came across as paranoid," she said. Tiri shrugged and flopped down next to her.

"They could be spying on us," she pointed out. "After all, why do we have to give them the video? Why can't we just put it into the letters ourselves?"

River shrugged, shaking off her small pang of unease.

"It's probably so we don't send really mean or nasty stuff. That would give them a bad reputation." Tiri shrugged, but accepted the answer.

"What do we do now?" she asked instead. River looked at her watch. It was fifteen minutes to twelve, which was the start of her hour-long dance class.

"I don't know." She paused, looking around the room. "How many student do you think are here?" she asked after a few minutes.

"I counted thirty-five," said Tiri. River nodded. That was what she had gotten.

"Don't you think it's weird that there aren't more kids?" she asked. Tiri shrugged.

"It's a new school, we might be the first class." River nodded, it made sense.

"What's your name?" she asked after a few more minutes of silence. Tiri regarded her.

"Promise you won't laugh," she said. River nodded, sitting up. It must be a horrible name.

"My full name's Nefertiri Massri," Tiri confided with a wince. River blinked.

"Why would I laugh?"

"Some people do," said Tiri. River shrugged.

"They're idiots. Do you have singing class next?" Tiri nodded.

"Yeah. My dad is making me take it. I don't really like to sing." River nodded sympathetically. Her dad was the same. She was glad she liked dancing, otherwise it would be a nightmare.

"My class ends at one, and then we have three hours of time outside using the pool and stuff. We can meet up at the track," River offered. Tiri nodded.

"I wonder why we have so much time outside and stuff?"

"Probably so that we have a balance between academics and athletics. This academy has a really strong emphasis at being well-rounded. But at least we'll have advanced mathematics after it. Then dinner, and more free time. And then bed."

"It's a really fun schedule," remarked Tiri. "But I feel bad for the kids who are going to get kicked out." River stared at Tiri, eyes wide.

"What do you mean?" she asked, interested.

"Oh, they kick out a bunch of children that 'aren't able to reach their full genius,'" Tiri said. "Only twenty children make it through the first couple of days."

"That sucks," said River, not really caring. She knew that she wasn't going to be kicked out, and neither was Tiri. And besides, it would be more challenging working with the kids who were smarter.

"Yeah, but it's mostly kids our age getting kicked out," said Tiri. "Most of the older kids are going to stay. Which means, basically, we're being stuck with the ugly toad and the rest of our physics class."

"Damn," muttered River, she would like to see them go. Tiri sat up and stretched.

"We should go, we're going to be late," she said, starting for the door. River followed and waved goodbye before heading off in the opposite direction.

She couldn't wait for dance class.


	7. Disjointed

**Chapter 7**

River lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, her eyes tracing patterns in the plaster. Dance class had been awesome. Since she was the only one actually taking the class at that time, the teacher- a professional from Sihnon- had spent the whole time with her, improving her technique.

Afterwards, still psyched, she had met Tiri outside with the other thirty-five kids, near the track. Just the memory of that time made her breathless.

Tiri was just as capable at athletics as she was as academics, and River- for one of the first times in her life- had found herself challenged as they ran lap after lap, competing to see who could run the fastest. It was a tie.

Then Advanced Mathematics, which was just as easy as the rest of her classes, and dinner. Then they came here.

River lifted her head to look at Tiri, who was sitting on her bed, a map of the school spread out in front of her.

She glanced over and noticed River watching.

"River come here for a second," she called, gesturing. Sighing, River sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, onto the floor, before getting up and falling onto Tiri's bed.

"What?" she muttered, pretending to be annoyed. Tiri poked her in the stomach, receiving a squeak of protest, then pointed at the map.

"Does something seem wrong with this?" she asked.

River sat up and bent over the map. Tiri had traced lines through the corridors showing the routes River and herself took to class. Other lines also traced paths, presumably from other students. Then River saw it.

"Yeah, this part of the building isn't used," she said, gesturing to the left wing. Tiri looked at her, frowning.

"But what's it for?" she asked, curious. River shrugged.

"Maybe it's for the teacher's quarters?" she offered. But taking a look at the map, she wasn't convinced. The area was much too large for living quarters, even if all of the teachers had their own room. Four large rooms took up a third of the space, with many smaller rooms filling the excess.

"Maybe," said Tiri doubtfully. Then she looked up at River, excitement in her eyes.

"We should explore," she whispered, as if imparting a big secret. River rolled her eyes, though she felt a twinge of excitement.

"We'll get caught," she pointed out. "Then we'll get kicked out." Tiri nodded, conceding the point.

"I know, but it's still fun to think about it." River smiled at her.

"We can ask Dr. Mathias," she said, though she knew Tiri probably wouldn't like that idea.

Tiri made a face.

"He doesn't like me," she said. River smirked at her.

"I wonder why," she mused, pretending to think really hard. "I mean, you have so many likeable qualities."

"Damn straight I do," said Tiri, smiling like a maniac. "But that's why you love me." River patted her hand.

"Of course dear, of course." Tiri shrieked with mock indignation and shoved River off of the bed, sending her sprawling to the floor. Laughing, River leapt to her feet and hurled herself over her bed as Tiri lunged for her.

Making a cross with her fingers, she held it out to Tiri.

"Keep away from me," she laughed. Tiri smiled and pretended to fall backwards.

"The light, it burns!" she wailed, collapsing dramatically on her bed. River rolled her eyes.

"Drama queen." Tiri burst out laughing and hurled her pillow at River, which she ducked. She retaliated and Tiri caught a faceful of cotton.

Holding her hand up in surrender, Tiri burst into a new fit of giggles. River slipped back around her bed and dropped down next to Tiri.

"We should go to sleep," she told her, staring at the blackness beyond their window. Tiri rolled her eyes but acquiesced.

"I get the bathroom first," she said, getting up. Ten minutes later, River brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas before going back to her room. Tiri was already a lump under the covers.

"See you in the morning," River called. Her only answer was a mumble. Smiling, River drifted off to sleep.


	8. Nightmare

**Chapter 8**

_She was running through the school's corridors, desperately looking for something. She turned, sprinting down the hallways._

_ She paused, glancing around. She didn't recognize where she was. She spun on her heel, craning her head, hoping to see someone, anyone. _

_ Panic set in and River started running again, throwing herself threw doors. She followed several twisty corridors and burst into a wide, light-filled room lined with rows of hospital beds._

_ River spun on her heel, eyes wide with horror. More than half of the hospital beds were filled with children her age and older, lying there, still and white and unmoving._

_ She screamed and ran to one of them, staring in terror. _

_ The patient was a boy, maybe a year older than herself. His face was blank, expressionless. Tubes and needles were stuck in his arms, trailing to various machines that she recognized from the hospital her brother worked at._

_ Her hand reached out and she screamed again, unable to control herself, to pull back the reaching hand. She watched as her long, thin fingers rested themselves against the boy's cheek. The effect was instantaneous._

_ His eyes snapped open, revealing feverish blue eyes wild with something. Fear? Or pain? She couldn't tell._

_ "River," he moaned, "River!" His voice rose to a scream. "Run!" he screamed. "Run!"_

_ She recoiled in horror, feeling her eyes stretch wide. She struggled to move her feet, desperate to listen to his words._

_ Around her, more and more children awoke, all focusing on her with the same feverish eyes._

_ "Run!" They all yelled, all in the same terror-filled voice. "Run River!" _

_ Her feet obeyed her and she spun only to run into something hard and warm. She screamed again, terrified that it was one of the patients. She looked up, shaking._

_ Dr. Mathias stared down at her, eyes cold and hard._

_ "Are you going somewhere River?" he asked her, voice emotionless. River started to back away slowly, filled with the conviction that he was very, very dangerous. The boy grabbed her arm and she recoiled violently._

_ "Two by two, hands of blue," he whispered, eyes wide. Then he dropped back down, silent once more. The other children followed suit._

_ River ran, leaving behind the silent patients and Dr. Mathias. She raced through the hallways, no longer caring where she was going, her only thought to put as much distance as possible between herself and that room. _

_ She threw open a door and jumped in, only to find herself in a small, cement-covered room. With rising panic she turned to go, only to find two men standing behind her, both expressionless. Slowly her eyes traveled to their hands, hanging by their sides. They wore blue gloves._

_River backed away, feeling sick. The two men moved closer, heads tilting at the same time as they regarded her._

_ "Please," River breathed, "Please." The shorter man, the one with the light brown hair gave her a cold, hard smile._

_ "Don't worry Ms. Tam," he murmured, "We'll take good care of you." They lunged, hands coming towards her, grasping, and River screamed._

River sat up in bed, covered in sweat and screaming at the top of her lungs. She stopped instantly, shaking violently as she relived her nightmare.

She almost screamed again as she felt someone touch her lightly on the shoulder. She spun, eyes searching the darkness, trying to see a shape.

"Are you okay?" asked Tiri's singing voice, filled with concern. "You were screaming and saying something about blue hands."

River shuddered, remembering her nightmare. She started to cry, softly at first but with gradual intensity until her body was wracked with spasms from her sobs.

She felt Tiri shift her over so she could sit down next to her, her arm going around her shoulders, just like Simon's used to. At the thought of Simon more tears welled up in River eyes.

Tiri held her close. "It was just a nightmare River," she breathed into her ear. "It was just a nightmare. Go back to sleep."

Slowly, River stopped crying and she gave a small, apologetic smile towards Tiri, even though she knew she couldn't see it.

"Thank you," she whispered. She heard Tiri's soft laugh and then she was gone and she could hear the rustle of sheets as she climbed back into bed.

River slipped back down and nestled back into the pillows. As she fell back asleep, she couldn't quite repress one more shudder.


	9. Chatter

**Chapter 9**

River awoke to Tiri shaking her shoulder. Blinking against the bright light that filled the room, she swung her feet over the side of her bed and onto the cool tile of the floor.

"Hi," chirped Tiri, looking way too cheerful. "How do you feel?" River gave her a strained smile and fought back memories of her nightmare, which still felt way too real.

"Better," she answered cautiously, not wanting to divulge the details of her nightmare just yet. Thankfully, Tiri just nodded, gave her a searching look, and told her that she had forty-five minutes until breakfast.

With a sigh of relief River darted to the bathroom and relaxed under a spray of really hot water for almost twenty minutes.

When she got back to the room Tiri was lying on the floor with her legs resting against the wall at a ninety-degree angle.

She gave River a cheery smile and stood up before walking over to River's bed and sitting down. With a sinking feeling in her stomach, River followed.

"What is it?" she asked sharply. Tiri looked at her seriously.

"What was your nightmare about?" she asked softly, looking really worried. River felt twinge of regret that she had snapped.

"I don't really remember," she said, lying through her teeth. Tiri looked at gave her another searching look, but River gave her an innocent look that had fooled her parents, and Simon, for years and she nodded.

"Do you remember anything?" Tiri asked finally. River hesitated for a moment and then nodded.

"Dr. Mathias was in it," she confessed. Tiri stared at her, her mouth stretching to form a wide grin.

"Dr. Mathias was in it?" she said, still grinning like a maniac. River felt her own lips twitch.

"Yes," she admitted. Tiri stared at her, grin suddenly dropping.

"My God River, this is terrible," she said seriously. River felt herself freeze, mentally replaying the dream over and over. It was hard to think of something worse than that.

"You're probably going to have to go through therapy to get rid of the mental image of his face," Tiri said, still straight-faced. River felt her face split into a smile.

"River, I have something to tell you," said Tiri, placing a hand on her knee. "Be strong, you'll get through this." She stared at River for almost three seconds before doubling over, laughing hysterically. River joined in, feeling the worry about her dream vanish.

After several minutes when they were more composed, River picked herself up off of the bed and headed scooped up the small video camera, popping out the chip.

"We should give this to the counselor," she told Tiri. "And then we should go to breakfast." Tiri smiled again and got up, following her into the hallway.


	10. A Letter Sent, and a Letter Not Received

**Chapter 10**

River turned another corner and paused outside one of the black doors dotting the hallway. The small plague next to it identified it as the office of Dr. Mathias. She paused and glanced at Tiri, who was standing next to her, perfectly at ease.

"Do we knock?" River asked. Tiri shrugged.

"You can if you want to." River shot her a dirty look and tentatively knocked on the door. There was no answer so she tried again, harder.

"Come in!" called Dr. Mathias, his voice muffled. River slowly turned the knob and opened the door. Dr. Mathias glanced up from his desk. River suppressed a shudder at the sight of him.

"Ah, Ms. Tam, Ms. Massri, what can I do for you?" he asked. River held up the small camera chip.

"You said to give this to you so that you could send it to my brother," she said. Dr. Mathias nodded and motioned for them to come in.

His office was small, with the white floors found throughout the rest of the academy and light blue walls completely free of any decoration. His desk, which was in the center of the room, was the same, without even a picture in sight. River noted jealously that he had a cortex screen-the latest model by the looks of it-on his desk.

Tiri gave her a small shove and River quickly moved into the room, pausing in front of his desk. Sadly, there were no chairs to sit in.

Dr. Mathias held out his hand and River placed the chip into it. He placed it onto his desk and glanced back up at them.

"Are there any letters you wish to send?" he asked. River felt a small pang of regret at the thought that she had forgotten to write Simon.

"Not right now, no," she answered before glancing at Tiri. Tiri was staring into space, not seeming to pay attention. When River nudged her she looked up, then shook her head.

"Nope," she said. Dr. Mathias nodded, then looked at the cortex screen.

"You had better hurry, lunch starts in five minutes," he said, already beginning to type again. Tiri nodded and walked out. River followed, then hesitated in the doorway. Dr. Mathias looked up at her.

"Is there something else River?" he asked. River started a little at the use of her name.

"Did Simon write?" she asked after a second. Dr. Mathias shook his head, and River frowned, a little hurt. But, she supposed, the mail probably took awhile to arrive.

"I suppose he's very busy," Dr. Mathias said, obviously trying to appear kind. River nodded.

"Um, thanks," she murmured before leaving, shutting the door quietly behind her. Tiri was waiting for her in the hallway.

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking a little worried. River shrugged.

"I was hoping that Simon would write," she explained. Tiri shrugged.

"He's probably busy," she said, echoing Dr. Mathias's words. River nodded, unconvinced. _You're being silly_, she told herself. _Simon will write_. For some reason though, she unable to shake off the worry.

"Of course," she murmured, a fake smile springing to her lips. "I'm sure that's it. Let's go eat breakfast."


	11. Of Pranks and Naps

**Chapter 11**

River entered the lunchroom and frowned. She counted, and then counted again, just to be sure. There could be no doubt, there were only thirty two other children in the lunchroom.

Tiri lightly touched her arm, startling her slightly. She turned, looking at Tiri, puzzled. Tiri looked back, just as confused.

"Are there less kids in here than yesterday?" River asked. Tiri nodded.

"I didn't think it would take that long," she confessed, her eyes slightly worried. River nodded and turned back to the lunchroom.

"Do you recognize anyone that's missing?" Tiri asked her. River scanned the room, cataloging each face. She spotted the arrogant boy from Physics, and the nice girl with the silver-blond hair.

"I don't see that creep from lunch yesterday," she observed finally. Tiri nodded.

"I don't see that girl with red hair from P.E. either," she remarked, frowning slightly. "We must not have met the third kid."

River nodded, slightly uneasy. She had expected that the unfit children would be weeded out over a matter of weeks, not three on the first day.

"Yeah," she said, then turned towards Tiri, trying to be cheerful. "But at least that means more food for us!"

Tiri rolled her eyes, grinning again.

"You have got to be a black hole," she said with a laugh. "You like absorb food or something." River stuck her tongue out.

"Fine, then don't eat. See if I care," she said, walking towards the buffet tables. She heard an audible sigh behind her and then Tiri was suddenly next to her.

"You're insufferable," Tiri told her. River rolled her eyes but didn't comment.

She grabbed some yogurt and a small cup of fruit along with some pancakes and then went back to the table that they had sat at for lunch and dinner the other day.

The blond girl was back and gave her a small smile. River smiled back and dropped into her seat, Tiri next to her.

River glanced at her fruit cup then reached over and grabbed Tiri's, looking into it with interest.

"Damn," she muttered, relinquishing the cup to the grabbing Tiri. Tiri gave her an odd look, obviously questioning her sanity.

"I only have four blueberries," River explained. "I wanted to see if you had more."

"So you could eat them?" Tiri asked her, looking amused. River gave her an angelic smile.

"Why would I do something like that?" she asked sweetly. Tiri snorted disbelievingly, but let it pass. River finished quickly and waited impatiently as Tiri stared calmly at her half-eaten pancakes.

"Oh for god's sake will you hurry up already?" River finally snapped. Tiri gave her an aggrieved look.

"I'm trying to figure out if I should eat them or not," she stated, looking wounded. River rolled her eyes and picked up her tray.

"Not," she told her friend, walking off. Tiri followed her, muttering.

River dumped her tray and quickly left the room, heading for her History class. Tiri followed behind her, looking slightly confused.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" she asked finally. River turned around, still walking, and grinned at her.

"History's fun," she sang happily. Tiri raised an eyebrow.

"No it's not."

"Okay, I wanted to see if we had that annoying kid in our class again," River said, giving a small shrug. Tiri nodded, looking thoughtful.

"That's a good point," she said. "That way, we can plan our strategy." Now it was River's turn to look confused.

"Our what?"

Tiri rolled her eyes. "Our strategy," she said, slowly and clearly. "Obviously. If he's mean to you, just tell him he has something in his hair and when he doesn't believe, you, I can back you up. Then, when he tells you his friends would tell him, just nod sympathetically, and by the time class rolls around in ten minutes he'll be a nervous wreck!"

River blinked. "How the hell do you think of this stuff?"

Tiri shrugged. "I'm smart, the kids at my school were not. Do the math." River grinned.

"You are a genius," she stated, expertly turning a corner without looking and arriving in front of the History classroom.

Several students were already there, lounging outside, waiting for the teacher. River's lips twitched when she saw the mean guy leaning against a wall, surrounded by several friends.

River felt Tiri poke her in the ribs as the boy walked over to them, looking disdainful.

"It's the little mouse," he said, staring down at her and ignoring Tiri. River looked up at him, trying to look innocent. She had just opened her mouth to tell him there was something in his hair when he continued.

"Are you having trouble with any of your classes yet?" he asked with a sneer. "After all, I could hardly expect a little girl like you to keep up with big kids like us," he continued, gesturing at the rest of the students.

River frowned slightly, noticing that out of the seven other students, only two looked older than herself. Then, remembering, she forced herself to look slightly upset.

"What's your name?" she asked, trying to sound timid. Behind his back, Tiri gave her a confused glance.

The boy smiled, pleased he had intimidated his target.

"Volger," he said confidently. River nodded, deciding that the hair thing was too good for him.

"Well, Volger," she said, making herself look young and innocent. "I hope that I don't mess up on the essay we had to do for class then. I would hate it if I got a bad grade." She made her eyes water slightly. "I just, I tried so hard to get the best grades and now what if I get thrown out? What will I tell my parents?"

She let a tear overflow and tried desperately to hold back her laughter. Behind Volger's back, Tiri looked like she was going to die.

Volger, River was pleased to see, looked very nervous.

"What essay?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly. River widened her eyes and dropped her voice lower.

"Didn't you read the course descriptions?" she whispered. "Because we were supposed to write an essay on the Independence War and describe how the Browncoats went wrong and how they could have improved their tactics. Oh, and we were supposed to have at least a paragraph dedicated to what maneuvers were executed by the Alliance in the battle of Serenity Valley." She paused, and smiled up at him encouragingly. "Of course, you'll have already done it. After all, you're a lot smarter than I am."

Volger's face was twisted with horror when she finished.

"Yeah," he said unsteadily, turning to face Tiri, who quickly tried to make her face impassive.

"Did we really have to do that?" he asked her. Tiri nodded seriously.

"Yeah, didn't you read the course description?" Volger gave a weak nod and walked slowly back over to the other students, who were looking anxious.

Tiri moved to stand next to River.

"Nice move," she whispered. River allowed a small smile to steal across her face.

"Thanks," she murmured, watching with amusement as Volger, with many wild hand movements, informed the other students that they had an essay due.

Most of them looked terrified, thinking that they were going to be kicked out, but a few of the smarter ones started talking to each other, trying to figure out when _exactly_ the essay was due.

"I think I read about it," said one small girl with brown hair uncertainly. River stifled a laugh, then quickly straightened up as the history teacher, a portly man with no hair who shared the same cold eyes as the rest of the staff unlocked the classroom door.

"Come in," he said, ignoring the panicked glances of the students. River and Tiri walked calmly into the classroom and took seats in the back.

River watched as the other students filed in, taking the front row of seats.

"You're a genius," Tiri whispered to River as the teacher, who had introduced himself as Mr. Bartleby, started to explain the goals of the class.

River smirked.

"I know," she whispered back. Tiri grinned at her and turned back towards the front. River glanced up at the clock. Fifty-five minutes of boredom, and then gym.

River yawned, suddenly exhausted. She blinked desperately, trying not to fall asleep. The nightmare must have been more tiring then she had originally thought. A haze seemed to be settling over the classroom and River struggled to keep her eyelids open. She started to turn her head to look at Tiri, but the motion proved to much for her and her eyes closed, her head dropping onto the desktop as the darkness took her.

She heard Mr. Johnson saying something, but his words were muffled, like someone had put cotton in her ears. He repeated the words and River jerked her eyes open, suddenly realizing where she was.

Mr. Johnson said something else, something that River couldn't quite make out, and her focus sharpened.

Mr. Johnson was still talking, but he had a map down and appeared to be pointing at something on it. River's first thought was that she hated that damn paper policy, because she really couldn't tell what he was pointing at, which wouldn't be a problem if she had her desktop cortex screen.

Then she realized she had been asleep and she turned towards Tiri, who was looking vaguely confused. The other children were wearing expressions of tiredness, their drooping heads propped up on their hands. Whatever she had missed, it must have been _really_ boring.

River glanced at the clock and almost fell over. Almost fifty minutes had passed. River groaned softly, worried that the teacher had noticed and that she was going to be expelled. Why oh why did she have to have that nightmare last night?

Volger raised his hand suddenly, snapping her out of her depression.

The teacher paused for a second then called on him.

"When do we have to turn in our essays?" Volger asked, looking worried. Mr. Johnson gave him a blank look.

"What essays?" Volger frowned, turning to give River a funny look. She shrugged helplessly, unable to summon up the energy to continue with the act beyond that point.

"Um, the one on the Independent War?" Volger said, doubt creeping into his voice. Mr. Johnson have him an annoyed look.

"I don't know anything about that, and if you continue with this silliness you can write me one. Say fifteen pages?"

Volger flushed and lowered his head, mumbling an apology. River smiled slightly and looked over at Tiri who gave her a small smile back, still looking confused.

Mr. Johnson shot Volger another annoyed look and turned back to the class.

"Class dismissed," he said, moving towards his desk. River quickly stood up, not wanting to cross paths with an angry Volger, and moved out of the classroom, Tiri next to her.

When they were safely away from Volger, who had attempted to follow them only to be forced to go another way for his next class, River turned to Tiri.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" she whispered, slightly hurt that Tiri would let her sleep through a class and give the excuse for a teacher to expel her.

Tiri stared back at her, eyes wide.

"That's what I was going to ask you," she said, her voice low as they hurried to gym, trying to avoid the notice of the other students.

"Wait, you fell asleep too?" asked River, beginning to feel worried. "How? Are we sick or something?"

Tiri shrugged, looking nervous. "Maybe it was the nightmare," she said. "I mean, you couldn't have slept well, and I was wide awake when you first started turning."

"Maybe, but it was like I _couldn't_ stay awake, no matter how hard I tried. And Mr. Johnson didn't even notice."

Tiri shrugged again. "You should ask Dr. Mathias next time you see him," she told River. River nodded.

"Definitely," she said as they entered the gym. "Definitely."


	12. An Explanation

**Chapter 12**

Gym class passed in a blur. They practiced gymnastics for an hour, and River enjoyed being able to randomly turn cartwheels and be praised instead of being told she was in the way. She said as much to Tiri, who just laughed.

"I know what you mean," she said, her eyes sparkling as they walked to lunch. "Gymnastics is a lot of fun." River grinned back.

"Is it better than singing?" she asked slyly. Tiri heaved a dramatic sigh.

"I hate singing," she muttered. River rolled her eyes.

"Then why are you taking it?" she asked. Tiri gave her an annoyed look.

"I already told you, my dad is making me," she explained, frowning slightly.

"Then why don't you just switch classes?" River asked curiously. If her father had tried to make her take a class, she would have put her foot down and refused.

"You have to get a guardian's permission to do that," Tiri explained. "And without access to a working cortex, I can't fake one."

River smiled slightly. "Cheater," she coughed. Tiri grinned and shoved her. River stumbled slightly and then shoved her back, almost knocking her into a student.

"Sorry," said Tiri softly. The student, a girl with long black hair and green eyes, gave them an annoyed glance and hurried off.

When she was gone, Tiri turned back to River. "What's wrong with her?" she asked, eyes wide with mock-innocence. River started laughing, she couldn't help it, but stopped once they entered the lunchroom and groaned instead.

Tiri glanced around to see what was bothering her and smiled evilly.

"Excellent," she said softly. "Now, go ask." She pointed towards Dr. Mathias, who was leaning against the far wall. River began to regret the fact that she had promised to ask him, though she was rather curious.

"What if I get expelled?" she moaned quietly. Tiri looked back unsympathetically.

"Then you'll be kicked out satisfied. Now go, before I go over and tell him you want to ask him something."

Shooting Tiri a glare, River made her way over to Dr. Mathias, who straightened up slightly and looked at her with interest.

"Yes River?" he asked. River hesitated for a second, glancing over at Tiri, who gave her an encouraging smile, and then turned back to Dr. Mathias.

"Um, well, I have something to tell you," she started tentatively. Dr. Mathias nodded.

"You can tell me anything," he told her, looking kind. River relaxed slightly, shoving her nightmare to the back of her mind.

"It's just, I fell asleep in Mr. Johnson's advanced history class, but I wasn't that tired, and it was like I couldn't help but go to sleep, and the same thing happened to Tiri and we were wondering if we were sick or something, because Mr. Johnson didn't even notice."

Dr. Mathias nodded, and smiled slightly. River felt herself frown. Why was he smiling? Seeing her look, Dr. Mathias hastened to explain.

"That's actually happened before," he told her. "It's a chemical found in the apples. Some students have a reaction to it and they tend to fall asleep for a little bit. Don't worry about it, it just takes some time for your body to get used to it and then you'll be fine. Two other kids had the same thing happen to them today too." He gave her a reassuring smile which she returned before walking off.

River slowly moved back to Tiri, trying to figure out what part of Dr. Mathias's explanation rang false to her.

"It's something in the apples," she told Tiri, who nodded, accepting the information. River got her food and sat down at the table, saying a quiet hello to the girl sitting next to her.

When they were almost done, it hit her and she turned to Tiri, feeling a small pang of worry.

"Tiri, did we even eat any apples?"


	13. Art, Blue Cans, and Dozing

**Chapter 13**

"We must have," River said again. She glanced across the room at Tiri, who was lying on the bed, her fingers interlaced behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling.

Tiri nodded without comment, and River looked away, unsatisfied. Something about this just felt wrong, like there was a piece missing, like she hadn't seen the bigger picture yet.

"We need to go to art now," Tiri spoke up suddenly. River glanced over and nodded, then picked herself up off of her bed and walked towards the door, hearing the creaking bed springs that meant Tiri was up also.

"The teacher is called Mr. Willowby," she remarked from behind River as they walked down the empty hallway.

"Okay," River said, not really paying attention. Where was everyone? It was almost time for class. She idly turned the corner and stopped in front of one of the doors. "This is it."

She opened the door and walked inside, followed by Tiri. She breathed a small sigh of relief as she saw that Volger was not in their class. He was almost certainly murderously angry at her, and most likely Tiri as well for that stunt they had pulled in history.

She did however see the blond girl, who smiled at her and waved her over. River smiled back and walked over there. She took a seat next to her and Tiri sat down next to her.

"Hi," River said. The blond girl smiled back happily.

"I'm Lauren," she said, sounding excited. River smiled back. At least now she had one other friend besides Tiri, who was staring around the classroom with interest.

River swept the classroom with a glance and turned back to Lauren, who already staring at the clock. River smiled privately to herself; Lauren must not like art. She personally liked the subject, she enjoyed being able to draw stuff all over her work, another reason she preferred the cortex over paper.

On the cortex she found that she could keep a small minimized page where she could doodle without the teacher figuring it out at all. On paper however it was impossible to hide the proof.

Which reminded her of why she was feeling slightly odd about the classroom. There were no drawings anywhere. The walls were white, as was the floor. She had expected any art teacher to have drawings or at least colors. Her last art teacher had had colors all over her room.

"I thought it would be more colorful," she told Lauren quietly. Lauren shrugged.

"I guess," she responded. She looked like she might have been about to say more but then the art teacher walked in, and she fell silent.

Mr. Willowby was tall and thin, with the trademark cold eyes of the rest of the school. River felt a chill sweep through her at the sight of the man. He did not look like an art teacher to her.

He started speaking at once, babbling about primary colors and how the world was dependent on colors and how they shaped the world as human kind perceived it. He started to talk about the Renaissance Era, a thing that had apparently jumpstarted the art world back on Earth-that-was.

River could feel her eyes drifting closed again, not because of the fishy apples but out of pure boredom. Next to her, Tiri had her chair leaning backwards as she stared at the ceiling, muttering something about how if the art teacher was trying to kill them it would be easier to take them out back behind the building and shoot them. Lauren was gone, her eyes glazed over as she stared at the clock, her hands supporting her chin.

The art teacher was saying something else now, the words muffled. River felt the curious sensation of having cotton wool in one's ears even though there was nothing there. Mr. Willowby's words were muted, making small popping sounds as they fell out of her mouth and she frowned.

She could feel her head drooping again, against her will this time. She struggled to stay upright. Next to her, Tiri's eyes were drifting shut and Lauren was already asleep. River couldn't seem to turn her head to see the other students.

The last thing she registered was the fact that Tiri had a small bottle of blue paint clutched in her hands; which River guessed she had picked up from the small table containing art supplies next to the door as they walked in. _Damn fishy apples_, she thought as she fell asleep.

River awoke with a small start to Mr. Willowby saying some other things, still muted by the cotton wool. River frowned slightly, she didn't think he was speaking English anymore.

Then her hearing, with a sudden pop, came back to her, as if the cotton was removed. She glanced wildly around the classroom. Next to her, Lauren was just waking up, blinking groggily. Their eyes met, and Lauren mouthed 'apples' at her. She must have overheard their conversation earlier, River figured.

Most of the other children looked either bored or tired, but all of them were awake, and River was unsure which of them had fallen asleep and which of them were actually bored. There was one kid however, who looked about sixteen, who was wide awake, staring alertly at the board. River felt a small pang of jealousy, which she quickly pushed aside. She noticed though that Mr. Willowby was staring oddly at him.

Tiri was still asleep, her face twitching slightly. River cast a stealthy glance at the teacher, whose back was turned as he wrote on the board, which was filled with notes, and then back at her friend. With another quick glance around, River elbowed her sharply in the ribs. She was, however, completely unprepared for Tiri's reaction.

Her eyes snapped open and she fell backwards with a small gasp, toppling her chair, and, as a reflex motion, throwing the small thing of paint in her hands.

Mr. Willowby had surprisingly quick reflexes for a teacher, River thought, and he managed to duck the projectile. Several people in the class gasped, but River saw with confusion that almost half the class didn't even seem to notice, they were to busy staring around. One kid, she saw, was staring down at his desk, not even blinking.

Tiri scrambled up immediately, looking absolutely terrified, though River thought she saw a trace of amusement as well. The situation was rather funny, she had to admit.

Mr. Willowby frowned at Tiri, then glanced at the clock, which showed that another hour was almost up.

"I need to see Mr. Baxter, Ms. Massri, and Mr. Li after class," he said coldly. "The rest of you are dismissed."

River stood up with the rest of the students, and placed a comforting hand on Tiri's shoulders.

"You'll be fine," she said quietly, then started towards the doors. The people who she assumed were Baxter and Li stayed behind. One of them was the hyper-alert kid, who looked nervous, and the other was the kid just staring at his desk. He hadn't moved, and still wasn't blinking.

River resisted the impulse to go over and check his pulse. He must be fine, she reasoned as she walked towards the doors leading outside for free time. After all, he couldn't be _dead_. She couldn't shake off the nagging feeling -which was growing worse- that there was something very, _very_ wrong with the Academy.

She glanced over her shoulder at the empty hallway one more time as she stepped into the hallway and made herself a promise that she would write Simon as soon as dinner was over and she could go abck to her room.


	14. Worries

**Chapter 14**

River breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Tiri exit the building almost ten minutes later. Smiling, she waved, gesturing for Tiri to come and join her under the large oak tree she was lying under.

Tiri quickly came over to her, dropping down next to her.

"Are you expelled?" River blurted immediately, knowing that probably wasn't the case but wanting to make sure all the same. Tiri's small smile and the shake of her head laid her doubts to rest easily.

"Good, I don't think I could handle the boredom without you," she teased, twisting her hands into the thick grass. "After all, who would throw blue paint at the teachers then?"

Tiri snorted, then shoved her. "That was so not funny," she protested. River smirked.

"Please, it was hilarious and you know it." Tiri considered that for a moment before she started smiling.

"Did you see his face?" she asked. "It looked like someone had, had…"

"Thrown paint at him?" River suggested innocently. She managed to keep a straight for a few minutes before she started giggling, all her nervousness and anxiety over the past two days coming out abruptly.

Soon they were both laughing hysterically, though a small part of River noted that the laughter had a slightly terrified edge to it.

Finally, when she was struggling to breathe, they fell silent.

"You know, it wasn't that funny," River said after a few seconds. Tiri rolled her eyes.

"I was laughing to be nice," she said haughtily. Now it was River's turn to roll her eyes.

"Please," she said. Then she sobered, turning to Tiri as something occurred to her. "Tiri, why did Mr. Willowby want to see those other kids?"

Tiri frowned, looking slightly worried. "I don't really know. He gave me a lecture on how I shouldn't have had the paint in the first place, but he didn't mention the fact that I was asleep in the first place. It was just strange. And River, when I asked him a question about where they get the apples, it was like he didn't understand what I was talking about for a second."

River frowned, unsettled. "Maybe it's not in just the apples," she said quietly, her brain racing. "I mean, I'm still pretty sure that we didn't eat any apples."

Tiri nodded, her expression serious. "You're right, maybe it's something in the water."

No matter how grave their situation looked, River still cracked a smile.

"Do you have any idea how clichéd that sounds?" she asked quietly. Tiri smirked.

"The second after it popped out of my mouth I did." River rolled her eyes, smile already fading.

"But that must be a health hazard or something," she said. Tiri shook her head.

"Not really. Actually, a lot of schools have been putting chemicals in their food lately. Did you see that news report on the cortex a couple of weeks ago?"

River shook her head. "I haven't checked the news lately. I've been busy with stuff. Packing for the Academy and saying goodbye to Simon and my family."

Tiri nodded. "They did an article about some school that was putting stuff into the food that made their students brains retain more stuff. It also made them stay awake and stuff."

River frowned. "But they're making us _sleep_," she pointed out. Tiri shrugged.

"I've never pretended to understand how these schools work."

River shrugged. "Okay, we can come back to this. But you haven't told me what happened to the other kids. Are you avoiding it?"

Tiri hesitated, eyes darting towards the ground as she shifted, crossing her legs. River sat up also, moving closer, feeling worried.

"What is it?" she asked. Tiri glanced up at her, then back towards the ground.

"That boy, Li, the super hyper one, I'm not sure, but I think he was expelled. Something about 'not reaching his full potential.'" River nodded, prompting her along.

"I think there's something wrong with Baxter," Tiri said softly. River remembered the lifeless boy, his eyes blank as he stared at his desk. "He just was sitting there and staring. When Mr. Willowby made me leave, he was still there. And then when I was walking down the hallway I turned around and some people who looked like doctors went inside."

River felt an unpleasant jolt in her stomach. It took her a second to remember her dream, and then the images came flooding back full force. The rows of lifeless bodies, the blank, staring eyes. And Dr. Mathias. She couldn't fight back the shiver that crawled up her spine.

Tiri gave her a questioning look but didn't push her, for which River was thankful.

She stood, pushing herself off the ground, and looked down at Tiri.

"I'm going to go write a letter to Simon," she said.

"Are you going to tell him?" Tiri asked. River hesitated, then shook her head.

"Not yet. I mean, we're the only ones who even seem to care." She gestured as she spoke, her hands moving through the air to point out the thirty or so happy kids who were running around, laughing, or just sitting and talking.

"In that case, I think I'll come with you," Tiri said quietly, standing up also. River gave her a small smile and then turned and started back inside, slipping around several students who were engaged in tag.

She could always write a letter to Simon if something really was wrong. Right now, all they had was a bunch of suspicions and a nightmare. There was nothing wrong, yet.


	15. Letters

**Chapter 15**

_Dear Simon,_

_School seems to be going well. It's certainly interesting, though the classes are rather boring. I'm enjoying my dance class. I'm the only one in it because the other students are all focused on academics, so I can practice whatever I want to._

_I have a new friend. Her name's Tiri. She's my roommate, and she's pretty fun. We have almost all of our classes together, and it's nice to have someone on my level to talk to. She's that person in the video I sent you. You should have already gotten it, I gave it to Dr. Mathias, the head of the school, to send to you. _

_Dr. Mathias seems pretty nice, even though he's a little weird. The rest of the teacher aren't that nice. Our gym teacher is a lot like Mr. Sammael. Do you remember him? He was your gym teacher in fifth grade. I still remember when you forgot your uniform and he made you run thirty laps. And then you went and told him he was an idiot and he made you run thirty more!_

_I miss you Simon, and I know I sound silly because I just saw you two days ago, but I really do. I know you probably don't have much time to read and write letters with your schedule, so I promise to keep them short._

_Remember to talk to the other doctors and try not to be so standoffish Simon, seriously. And try not to insult any girls who actually talk to you. They are just being nice Simon. And please tell mom and dad I love them and miss them too._

_I love you, _

_River_

_P.S There is one thing I already love about this school. No more boring dinner parties!_


	16. Post

**Chapter 16**

River signed her name with a flourish and put her pen down onto her bed, glancing over at Tiri, who looked like she was asleep. With a small sigh she stretched and then jumped off the bed and headed for the door.

She carefully opened the door and slipped into the mercifully empty corridor. She walked quickly along until she reached Dr. Mathias's office.

A girl around her age was leaning against the wall outside, staring at the floor. When she heard River she glanced up. River gave her a tentative smile, which the girl returned tiredly.

"He's talking with someone," the girl said, returning to her examination of the white tiles. River hesitated for a second, but when the girl didn't say anything else she slid to the floor and leaned against the wall opposite Dr. Mathias's room.

Several minutes passed before the door opened, distracting River from her thoughts. A tall boy with dark brown skin and white, even teeth exited quickly, and the other girl peeled herself off the wall with a sigh and entered. River noticed a small chip in her hand when she shut the door, and smiled to herself. It was nice to know she wasn't the only one a little homesick.

Before River could get comfortably situated the door opened again and the girl came out. She pointed to River and the jerked her thumb towards the door before strolling off.

Clambering to her feet, River slowly stepped inside of Dr. Mathias's office. He looked up at her from behind his desk and smiled at her.

"Ah, River, back again," he said easily. River gave him a small smile, and moved forwards, her letter outstretched.

"I wrote a letter to my brother, and I was hoping you could send it for me," she said. Dr. Mathias took it from her grasp and placed it onto his desk.

"Of course," he said calmly. "Is there anything else?" River hesitated, then nodded.

"Did Simon write yet?" she asked hopefully. Dr. Mathias shook his head, looking vaguely sympathetic.

"No, not yet." Seeing her face droop slightly, he gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm sure he'll write tomorrow." River nodded and left the classroom.

She wasn't sure why she wanted her brother to write so much. She supposed she just wanted to know that she wasn't being stupid for wishing her brother was here with her, so she could talk with him.

She entered her room and dropped onto her bed, staring absently at the ceiling. After awhile she realized with a start that it was almost time for her math class. Jerking upright she glanced over at Tiri, who was still asleep.

Jumping up she gave her a quick shake. Tiri jerked upright and blinked, glancing around with a look of slight confusion.

"I'm awake," she announced, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and jumping up quickly.

River rolled her eyes and grabbed her hand, dragging her along behind her as she headed to math class.


	17. Math Class

**Chapter 17**

Math class was, if possible, even more boring than art class, or at least the part she had been awake for. River almost wished she could fall asleep, whether it be real or not. From what she could see of Tiri, who had her chin propped up onto her hand on top of her desk, she was wishing the same thing.

The teacher, a Ms. Lucas, droned on and on about how mathematics applied to real life. Right now she was taking the whole class of twelve through a detailed description about how parallel lines could be found in architecture around the worlds. At least, that was what she had been saying the last time River had bothered to pay attention.

A paper was slapped down onto the table in front of her, startling her from her wistful daydreams about the time she actually had a desktop cortex to distract herself with. At least then she could doodle or amuse herself by working on her own personal system of mathematics that she had begun to create several years ago.

One quick glance at the paper showed it was a test, one with over thirty questions. Ms. Lucas rattled around the classroom distributing papers and explaining how they would go about answering the questions.

River signed her name at the top and started reading through the questions. Most were easy, but a few required several sentences to explain properly.

With a small sigh she set about answering the questions, thoughtfully noting in the margins that one formula that they were supposed to use to solve numbers nine through thirteen was incorrect.

When she was finished, almost ten minutes later, she laid down her pencil and quickly scanned the classroom, hoping that the teacher wouldn't think she was trying to copy.

Most of the students were either scribbling quickly or frowning at the paper, their brows furrowed with confusion. Tiri, next to her, seemed to be finished with everything but the questions that required the use of the incorrect formula. River noticed that she hadn't spotted the discrepancy yet.

Glancing up, River noticed Ms. Lucas approaching and hurriedly looked at her own paper, praying that the stern teacher hadn't noticed her prolonged interest in Tiri's paper.

Pausing next to River's desk, Ms. Lucas picked up the completed test and paged through it, nodding absentmindedly as her eyes scanned the pages. River noticed she paid particular attention to questions nine through thirteen and wondered belatedly if maybe that the formula was supposed to be wrong to try and trip them up.

Ms. Lucas flipped the test shut and continued moving, yanking people's tests out from under them, occasionally causing them to leave a black line across their papers. When she finished she returned to the front of the classroom and sat down at her desk, pulling out a pen and continuing her evaluation on the tests.

The students looked around uneasily, apparently trying to figure out if they were allowed to talk or not. Tiri leaned across the aisle, not bothered at all.

"Did you get those formula questions?" she whispered softly. River nodded.

"Yeah, the formula was wrong so I corrected it." Tiri looked surprised.

"Wow, you're even smarter than I thought." River felt herself turn red. Tiri smiled at her and continued talking.

"I think I missed question twenty too. I couldn't think of twenty examples of geometric shapes on our capitol building. I only came up with thirteen."

River frowned at her. "That was one of the easiest questions. All you have to do is look at the roof." Tiri gave a small shrug.

"I've never actually seen it. I just wrote down what I remembered from other people's descriptions." River stared at her, feeling shocked.

"You've never seen the capitol building?" she hissed incredulously. Almost everyone within a five planet radius of Osiris had been to see the building that housed their government. It was a remarkable tribute to architecture, and it was free to go and look, making it affordable for even the lower classes.

"What?" asked Tiri defensively. "My parents don't really like traveling." River shook her head sadly.

"Tiri, when we graduate, the first place we're going is to the capitol building." Tiri smirked at her.

"I would have thought the first place you would ant to go would be to see your brother." River shrugged.

"Simon works on Osiris. I'm sure he would come and meet us." She changed the subject abruptly, not wanting to think about her brother; it still made her feel homesick. "So what do you think they'll have for dinner? I'm starved."

Tiri snickered and opened her mouth to deliver what would probably be a joke about her eating habits but was interrupted by Ms. Lucas, who was standing in front of the class, waiting for their attention.

"Class is dismissed," she said. Students immediately jumped up and began heading towards the door. River jumped up too, her stomach growling.

Just before she made it to the doorway a hand dropped onto her shoulder, causing her to spin around in a panic. It was Ms. Lucas. Tiri, ahead of her, gave her a worried glance but followed the rest of the class out the door.

"River, Dr. Mathias wants to speak with you," said Ms. Lucas coldly, already walking out the door. River hesitated for a split second and then followed.


	18. Advancement

**Chapter 18**

River hurried after Ms. Lucas, too worried to ask questions. When they arrived at Dr. Mathias's office Ms. Lucas gestured her to go in and then turned and left, her heels clicking against the tile floor as she strode away.

Slowly River opened the door and walked inside. Dr. Mathias sat at his desk as usual, this time glancing through a folder on his desk. Glancing up he gave her a friendly smile. River was not reassured.

Stepping forwards, she noticed that there was now a chair in front of Dr. Mathias's desk. It was plastic, and looked uncomfortable, but at least it was there.

"Please, sit," said Dr. Mathias, gesturing towards the chair. River carefully sat down, nerves making her more tense than usual.

Dr. Mathias stared at her for a few seconds, taking in her stiff posture and twisted hands.

"You're not in trouble," he said finally. River relaxed slightly. "In fact, just the opposite." River frowned slightly, feeling confused. Dr. Mathias glanced down at the folder and then looked back up at her.

"As you know, the Academy is a very selective school. We only take the best of the best. Even then we continue to monitor our students, and we weed out the ones who will never reach their full potential." He paused, giving her another scrutinizing glance. River felt a chill sweep through her. Was this his way of telling her that she was being expelled?

"We've selected you to become, if you're willing, part of an elite group of students. It's a special class, and we only offer it to the best." River blinked, a little stunned. She'd come expecting to be expelled and he was offering her a special class?

"Um, why me?" she asks finally, settling on the simplest question whizzing through her mind.

"We've seen your test scores in all of your classes, and you've scored a perfect score on all of them. You even corrected a formula that everyone else in your class missed."

"But I've only been here for two days," River protested. "How can you decide that quickly?" Dr. Mathias smiled and tapped the folder on his desk.

"Do you remember the tests you had to take to enter the Academy?" he asked her. River nodded. There had been many tests ranging from math to politics to a range of physical feats she was expected to accomplish.

"Well, you did very well on them, much better than many of your fellow students. And believe me River, we were very thorough in our examinations." He gave her another smile. River gave him a hesitant one in return.

"When is this class?" she asked.

"Come to my office after lunch tomorrow," he said. "And now you should go or you won't be able to eat dinner." River quickly got to her feet and headed towards the door. Just as she was about to open it, Dr. Mathias called her name. She turned to look at him.

"I'm so very glad you accepted," he said quietly. River nodded and quickly left the room. She paused in the corridor outside, trying to pinpoint why she felt ever so slightly anxious. Then, with a quick shake of her head, she shoved away the annoying thoughts that crowded her head and headed to dinner.


	19. Lunch, Part Deux

**Chapter 19**

River entered the cafeteria and then flushed as heads swiveled to look at her from all around the cafeteria. She spotted Tiri at one of the tables sitting next to Lauren and quickly walked over there, ducking her head.

She slid into the seat next to Tiri and surreptitiously glanced around. Thankfully, everyone had returned to their meal and were no longer paying any attention to her.

"Are you okay?" asked Tiri instantly, looking worried. River noticed that Lauren was staring at her, her eyes filled with concern.

"I'm fine," she reassured them both. Tiri gave her a small grin and Lauren relaxed.

"I thought you were going to be kicked out," said Tiri. "But I just couldn't think of a good reason for why."

River felt her smile dim slightly as she remembered the meeting. Lauren, misinterpreting her expression, reached around Tiri and handed her a muffin.

"I thought you might be hungry," she explained. "But the attendant is kind of strict about how much food we take." She shot her an apologetic smile and gestured towards the rather dour-looking man standing stiffly next to the table. River gave her a grateful look and took a bite of the muffin. It was blueberry, her favorite.

"So, what did Dr. Mathias want?" asked Tiri impatiently. River swallowed her muffin and tried to think about how to best phrase this.

"Well, he wanted to offer me a series of, um, alternate courses to perhaps further my education," she said carefully. She glanced up from the table into two blank gazes.

"I don't get it," said Lauren. Tiri nodded emphatically.

"You speak English but I don't understand your word order. Are you being kicked out of the regular classes?" River quickly shook her head.

"No. Actually, Dr. Mathias wants to put me into an advanced class." She gave her friends another worried glance, hoping that they wouldn't be upset that she was moving up and they weren't. Luckily, they were quite the opposite.

Tiri grinned and gave her a hug. Lauren reached around Tiri and gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"That's awesome," gushed Lauren, her eyes shining. "I'm so happy for you! You have to tell us all about it!"

"You're not jealous?" asked River hesitantly. Tiri snorted, loudly.

"Please River, you're obviously super bored in your classes. And I, for the record, support my friends, no matter what people say otherwise." She gave River a mock-offended look and pretended to turn away. River smiled and punched her on the shoulder.

"I love you too Tiri," she said. Tiri snickered.

"Just promise not to forget about all of us regular people," she said with a laugh. River and Lauren joined in. Still smiling River went back to her muffin. It was nice to have friends like these two.


	20. Laughter

**Chapter 20**

It was not nice, River decided, to have a friend who woke you up in the middle of the night just as you fell asleep.

She shifted again, listening to Tiri's quiet breathing. Of course she would fall asleep immediately after shaking River awake to send Simon another video letter. Sighing, River shut her eyes and tried to relax, focusing on making her breathing soft and slow.

Just as she began to drift loud noises in the hall jolted her back to reality, her eyes snapping open as she glared at the door.

Hysterical laughter sounded outside the door, the sound echoing off the tile so that it was magnified. River rolled her eyes; no joke could possibly be that funny. The laughter trailed away to giggles and loud footsteps continued moving past.

Glancing over, River saw that Tiri was still asleep, her expression serene. There was more laughter and River sat up abruptly, ignoring the rather alarming creak from her bed as she swung her legs over the side and jumped up.

She walked to the door and yanked it open, not even caring if she woke Tiri anymore. Then she frowned, looking both ways down the hallway. No one was there, even though the laughter, which was getting louder again, still sounded like it was right next to her.

Shadows flickered towards the end of the hallway on the right and River started walking towards them without thinking, unable to remember why she was out of her bed again.

She turned the corner and kept walking, following the force that pulled her forwards, barely noticing as she turned corners again and again, heading deeper into the school.

There was a door on her right and she moved closer to it, hand reaching out, fingers grazing the knob. Slowly she turned the handle and the door opened with an audible click. Stepping forwards she pushed the door open and looked into the room.

It was small and plain; the walls, ceiling, and floor all a dull gray cement. A metal table took up most of the space as it sat in the middle of the room. River noticed that it was bolted to the floor.

A sound caused her eyes to flicker to a shadowed corner of the room. She froze, staring in shock and horror at the person crouched in the corner.

It was a girl, her long black hair screening her face. She was curled into a ball, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, and she was trembling. River stepped closer, though every instinct she had was telling her to run.

"Are you okay?" she asked hesitantly, slowly taking another step towards the girl. Someone was giggling softly, and it took a second for River to realize the sound was coming from the girl.

The giggles became the hysterical laughter that she had heard earlier, the sound almost manic. River drew back a space and the girl lifted her head, the laughter becoming louder.

River recoiled. Her own face, twisted in laughter, eyes filled with madness, stared back up at her. She stumbled backwards before turning to run and slamming into someone.

Hands grabbed her arms, holding her in place. They were covered in blue gloves. Slowly she raised her head, eyes traveling upwards. Ice blue eyes stared down at her, achingly familiar and completely alien.

"You shouldn't be here," said Simon coldly. His hands tightened painfully around her arms. There was a scream and she turned and the River-who-wasn't-River was lunging, hands outstretched and eyes wild.

River sat up with a jerk, her eyes flashing wildly around the room. Vague shapes drifted in front of her eyes, and across the room she could hear the soft breathing of Tiri. She carefully laid back down, breathing a sigh of relief. _It was just a nightmare,_ she thought. She drew the covers tightly around her and relaxed, counting her breaths again.

In the hallways, soft laughter echoed.


	21. What Can You See?

**Chapter 21**

When River entered Dr. Mathias's room the next day after lunch she found four other students in there also, leaning against the walls.

To her intense displeasure she saw Volger was there, but despite the glare he sent her way he ignored her, which was nice. The other three students she had never seen before, which was fine with her.

Dr. Mathias gave her a welcoming smile and stood up from behind his desk.

"As you all are aware, you have been chosen for this special program because you are the brightest the school has to offer. In this program you will learn things that no one else will learn, see things no one else has seen. You will know more than you could have ever possibly wished."

He gave them another smile, and then left the room, walking quickly down the hall. The students paused for a second before hurrying after him, River following along behind them.

Several turns later they found themselves in an unknown hallway, outside of a gray door. Dr. Mathias opened it and went in, and River followed behind. It was a nondescript room, featureless but big. White walls, white floor, white ceiling. Everything was white, and River blinked a little to make her eyes focus.

Dr. Mathias was already talking about special opportunities and increased levels of intellect. From what she could make out they were being put on a new treatment using some new bleeding edge medicine to make their minds more receptive to auditory and visual input.

River tried to pay attention, but her eyes kept wandering to the other children, who, with the exception of Volger, were looking around as well. She wondered why they were in an empty room, and hoped they weren't going to make them do more tests. She'd had enough of those.

Dr. Mathias finished with a flourish and River was jerked out of her thoughts. She glanced guiltily around, hoping she hadn't missed any important directions. The other students glanced around too, waiting for something to happen.

The doors slid open and River spun around as she watched several people enter the room. They wore white coats and white gloves, looking like Simon when he had just gotten off of a late shift at his work and couldn't change before he came to dinner.

To her intense surprise Dr. Mathias left the room before the doors shut after the new arrivals without saying another word. Volger shifted and a girl with long blond hair glanced around, looking pale. One of the doctors (she assumed they were doctors, but she wasn't sure) came up to her. She was almost a head shorter than River with a bob of black hair.

"Are you River Tam?" she asked, her voice business-like. River nodded and the woman gave her an appraising glance before nodding and gesturing for River to follow her out of the room through a door on the far wall.

The new room in which they found themselves was smaller but just as white, with a metal chair in the center. At another gesture from the lady River sat down hesitantly, flinching as the cold metal touched her skin. The woman pulled a few cards out of a pocket on her coat and shuffled them before glancing up at her.

"What number is on this card?" she asked. River blinked, nonplussed.

"What?" she asked. She understood that this was a special program, that she would be taught more advanced stuff, that they had a curriculum designed to make her even smarter. What she did not underdstand however was why the doctor was asking her this.

The woman sighed impatiently. "This is just to help you relax," she explained shortly. "That way your brain will be more receptive to the treatment. Now, what number is on this card?"

"Five?" River guessed finally. The doctor shuffled the cards and repeated the question. "Seven," she said more confidently. This exercise was a lot like the games she and Simon used to play, and she remembered that she used to beat Simon all the time by guessing more correct cards. He called her psychic and she had laughed and told him that they should play chess instead as it was a more sensible pursuit.

"Four hundred. Ninety-two. Fourteen," she rattled off, smiling slightly. The woman was right, she was definitely more relaxed than when she had come in. She had expected pills or something, maybe a needle. The doctor nodded and put the cards away before making a small note on the clipboard she carried.

"Now, sit back," she said. River shrugged and leaned back a little in her chair, trying to ignore the almost painfully cold metal pressing against the back of her neck.

Now the doctor pulled out a needle and River tensed slightly. The woman gave her what she obviously assumed was a reassuring smile.

"It's just a simple drug that taps into the visual part of the brain. It won't hurt at all, and it's perfectly safe. I'm sure your brother uses it all the time in his work on Osiris." River nodded, feeling marginally more relaxed, but decided that despite the doctors reassurances she didn't like needles anyways.

The woman stepped up and picked up her wrist before carefully sliding the needle into a vein in her arm.

"Now, relax and tell me what you see," she said. River opened her mouth to ask her what she meant before a rush of images suddenly exploded in her mind and she slammed her mouth and eyes shut, overwhelmed by the explosion of colors and sights.

"Tell me what you see," said the doctor, but it sounded like it came from a very long ways away. Fireworks flashed and whirled behind her eyes, mixing with the bright lights of her home and the sun and the stars. There was grass and trees and people laughing and shouting. In her ears echoed the roar of a waterfall and the sound of ships taking off. Very very faintly, she thought she heard someone screaming.

And then River Tam stopped existing and became a whirlwind of sound and color and sight.


	22. Ouch

**Chapter 22**

The first thing she registered was the pain. Pain wasn't the right word though, more like fire. It burned through the nothingness, and slowly she began to realize the pain was in her arm. Her arm was connected to her shoulder, which connected to the rest of her body. Slowly, slowly, feeling began to come back to her and she felt tingles flitting across her skin as her nerve endings came back to life.

But the pain was still there, aching and burning and throbbing. A few more seconds and she remembered that someone had put a needle in her arm, and that the pain was around the point of entry. She could feel her face muscles trying to contract into a frown and a separate part of her brain, not connected to the here and now, instantly named all the muscles needed to perform such an action in alphabetical order.

Slowly the pain faded and, focusing, she managed to twitch her arm. It felt heavy and clumsy, and the small effort tired her immensely. Her facial muscles twitched again and she dragged open her eyes, struggling to keep them open even as a bright white light flooded them.

Shapes began to appear and she recognized the blurry form that sharpened into focus and became the doctor. She was standing in front of her, watching intently. When she noticed her opened eyes she gave another valiant attempt at a smile.

"How are you feeling River?" she asked, her voice too sweet. It grated on her ears and left her with a headache, or more of one than she began with.

She struggled to form words but her throat hurt and her tongue felt thick and fuzzy. She wanted to give her head a shake to clear it, but felt that the movement would not be wise. Instead she focused on trying to move her arms, bending them at the elbows and flexing her fingers.

Several minutes later she had regained sufficient control over her limbs to attempt to propel herself into a more upright position. The movement was weak, but she managed to push herself into a more comfortable position.

"Good," she croaked, her voice coming out slightly rough. Clearing her throat and ignoring the sudden surge of pain she tried again. "Good. Everything hurts." She found herself smiling slightly at the two contradictory phrases and was relieved that she was able to complete the action without needing to think about it.

The doctor seemed rather confused as to why she was smiling but went along with it.

"That's to be expected," she said, watching as River shook off the rest of her soreness. "The treatment taps into your visual cortex and throws most of your other senses off line. You were out for almost an hour."

River frowned, shocked. An hour? She supposed it was possible, all she had experienced were a bunch of images and sounds before waking up. She struggled to recall exactly what happened and brightened when she remembered something.

"Was someone screaming?" she asked. The doctor's smile suddenly seemed a little forced.

"Of course not River, that's silly. Why would someone be screaming?" River wanted to argue, but her head felt all cloudy and weird; she imagined it was what it felt like to wake up after consuming large amounts of alcohol. She knew her brother had gone through something lie this when he graduated med school.

"Okay," she said. She unsteadily tried to push herself to her feet, letting out a small gasp when her knees buckled. She grabbed the arm of the chair and the doctor grabbed her other arm.

"Careful now, your legs have fallen asleep. Don't want you to fall and hurt yourself." River frowned at her, she could have sworn there was something odd about the woman's words, but she couldn't pinpoint what.

"No, we wouldn't," she said slowly, and noticed that the doctor drew back slightly, as if she had said something shocking.

Shaking her head to clear out her thoughts, she pushed off the woman and released her death grasp on the chair, straightening herself up.

"Head rush," she muttered, taking a few uncertain steps across the floor. The doctor shadowed her, uncertain.

"When you feel well enough, we'll go see Dr. Mathias and then you can go to your dance class," she said, and River nodded.

"Let's do that," she agreed, heading for the door.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Almost an hour later she was lowering herself onto the grass under the cool shade of the large oak tree outside the building, still feeling a bit dizzy.

After her talk with Dr. Mathias, who had asked her a series of questions before determining she was fine, she had gone to her dance class. Instead of being the normal relaxing process that she had always found dance to be before, she had found herself unsteady, checking and rechecking her balance.

Her mind still felt like it was wide open, and snatches of images would suddenly dance before her eyes; a tree or a waterfall or a party.

The teacher had been very understanding and had let her rest more often, covering only the basics instead of the more advanced regime they normally followed. But despite the problems, River still felt a spark of delight at the clarity of her memories of the day's lesson.

She had always enjoyed a photographic memory, but now it was sharper and clearer, as if the events had happened seconds instead of minutes ago. If this was the treatment, then she was most definitely enjoying it, even though she knew that most of it was a placebo effect as her mind was waiting for the new treatment as it would take longer than one dosage to begin to show its effects.

Now though, outside in the warm afternoon, she began to feel more than a little nauseous. The effects that had been so minimal in dance class were now multiplied by the yelling, laughing kids and the two brilliant suns that floated in the sky.

After one more futile glance around for either Tiri or Lauren, River headed inside, sighing as she entered the cooler, dimmer hallways of the Academy. She headed towards her room, determined to write a letter to Simon.

Even if he didn't write to her, it didn't give her an excuse to not write to him.


	23. Fracturing

**Chapter 23**

It had been almost three weeks since the first treatment, the first needle. They had told her that she would be able to learn and remember like never before, that she would know more then she had ever wanted to.

And they were right. Every lesson, every page of every textbook, was copied perfectly into her mind. She could remember everything, like that the third word on page 329 of her physics textbook was 'quantum'. She was the head of every class she took, acing every test and never getting a wrong answer. And she felt horrible.

The sights and sounds were getting harder to control, slipping across her field of vision at any time. It was like they had opened something in her head, and stuff kept slipping out.

Her memory was messed up too. She could remember every lesson, but she had trouble remembering what she had for breakfast the other day. She knew that Tiri was her roommate, but sometimes she had trouble locating her in the lunchroom because she had forgotten, albeit temporarily, what her face looked like.

And, though she floated through the day mostly in a fog, other times it was like her senses went into overdrive. She couldn't go outside anymore; the suns were too bright, the children too loud. She could see everything like it was under a microscope with the focus set so sharp that it gave her a headache. Little things grated on her nerves; the tapping of a pencil, someone smacking their lips.

She stuck to empty hallways and her room, sighing in relief at the dim lights and the silence. It was so much more peaceful by herself, alone.

Other people got on her nerves with their chatter and happiness, though not as much now. Something had changed when she wasn't there, and people were more subdued, glancing around more often. Conversations were held in whispers and they weren't allowed outdoors as much.

The nightmares had gotten worse too, filled with screaming and running and hospital beds. Sometimes the two men made an appearance, or one of the beds held a patient. One time she was on the operating table and Simon was there, cutting her open and removing her organs.

They'd canceled her dance class too, because her teacher had a death in the family and had to go home. Now she had a martial arts class. She knew they were lying, but she wasn't sure why. If she just knew why then she would be fine with it. Fighting was like dancing, and she was the best. 'Graceful,' the teacher said. 'Excellent physical memory.'

XXXXXXXXXXX

River walked down the empty hallway, her soft footfalls the only sounds. Everyone else was in class, and she could be alone with her thoughts. She passed under a window and paused, glancing at it. There were bars over it, and she wondered if they had always been there or if it was a recent change.

Her mind was fuzzy and the memories slipped through her fingers like water. She frowned and kept walking, heading towards the room where she got the treatment.

She and Volger were the only ones on the drug from the original five now. The others hadn't been what the school was looking for and they were let go, others coming to take their place.

River opened the door and walked in, taking a seat in the chair at the center of the room. After a few seconds of drumming her heels and mentally rereading her history textbook the door opened and her doctor walked in.

"Hello River," she said, giving her a fake smile. River gave her a forced smile, unable to manage more. "Some people are going to be watching today, but I want you to just ignore them, okay?" River frowned briefly but nodded; who would want to watch her get a needle stuck in her arm?

The woman pulled out her cards and carefully shuffled them. River waited to start their normal routine, but the doctor paused her with one hand.

"Today River, I just want to see if you can guess the right number, okay? The numbers are only from one to ten." River shrugged, it didn't really matter to her. Not much did these days anyway. She was trying to remember what her mother's middle name was, and was mildly perturbed that she couldn't.

The doctor held up a card and River hesitated, focusing on the card. A number appeared in her mind and she frowned slightly.

"Seven?" she questioned. The doctor gave her a smile and a nod and she went back to remembering. She thought it might be Grace, but she wasn't sure.

The door opened behind her and footsteps entered the room. She tried not to look around, determined not to let it bother her. The doctor held up a few more cards, some which she got right, some which she got wrong. The doctor seemed happier than normal, and River guessed she must have done pretty well.

The doctor moved forwards and River held out her arm, trying not to see the sixteen little needles marks all lined up in a row on the soft flesh of her inner forearm. Carefully the doctor swabbed the area and then turned to get the needle.

The footsteps sounded again and River saw two people in her peripheral.

She tensed herself as the doctor stuck the needle into her arm. Seventeen, she thought miserably. And her mother's middle name was Gracie, she was sure of it.

Just as she lost almost all sense of herself the people stepped into her line of sight. There were two of them, and their hands were covered in blue latex gloves.

She screamed.


	24. Seeing the Light

**A/N: The drug I am having the doctors give River is based off of the drug from the show Sherlock, episode Hound of the Baskervilles. Symptoms include: paranoia, extreme anger problems, extreme sensitivity to noise and light, homicidal thoughts and actions. If you want to see the whole thing, watch the clip!**

**Chapter 24**

River jerked awake with a gasp, head throbbing, heart pounding. She fell off the chair, ignoring the shocked gasp from the doctor.

Scrambling upright she spun in a circle, scanning the room for the two men. They were gone, but the room seemed to carry an echo of them. The woman doctor was moving closer to her, arms outstretched.

River flinched away from her and dove for the door, wrenching it open and running outside, ignoring the cry from inside. Glancing up and down the corridor she ran down the branch to the left, heading outside.

Her feet made almost no sound on the floor as she ran so she could clearly hear the louder footsteps that followed her.

She took an abrupt left turn, skidding slightly, and slammed the door to the outside open. The light was blinding and she stumbled backwards slightly, lifting her hand to shield her eyes.

The other twenty-nine students were scattered across the lawn in small groups, and none of them looked up at her arrival.

They were so loud, and every noise was amplified and echoing, making her head pound. Someone laughed, the sound high and shrill, and she covered her ears. Her eyes weren't adjusting to the light well, and she blinked away the bright halos that surrounded everyone; every detail magnified by a factor of thirty.

She saw Tiri sitting under their tree reading a book and she ran towards her, effortlessly dodging students that were in the way. She could feel hysteria rising and she fought it back desperately.

Tiri looked up, eyes wide with shock, as River hit the brakes in front of her, falling to the ground with a thud. She opened her mouth to say something but River held up a hand.

"I saw them," she gasped. Tiri stared at her for about ten seconds, looking slightly freaked out.

"Saw who?" she asked cautiously. River rolled her eyes impatiently.

"The men from my dream," she explained rapidly, glancing behind her to see if anyone had come looking for her yet. "They were at my session."

"O-kay." Tiri's tone questioned her sanity. "River, the drugs are messing with your mind, you know that one of the side-effects might be having small hallucinations."

"But these weren't small," River insisted, not understanding why Tiri didn't believe her. "There were two full grown men in the room with me. Why aren't you listening?" Her voice had risen and she fought to take it down a notch, trying to avoid attention.

She reached out a hand to shake her and then froze. The needles marks that were in neat lines on the inside of her arms were wrong. There should only be seventeen. Now there were twenty.

"The number is wrong," she said shakily. Tiri just looked more nervous as she looked at the inside of her arm. "There shouldn't be that many."

Tiri reached out a reassuring hand and placed it on her shoulder.

"River, calm down," she said. "You're overreacting." She opened her mouth to say something else, but her sleeve had fallen back, exposing four small needle marks on her arm. River felt her mouth drop open.

Tiri followed her gaze to her arm.

"They're just shots," she said. River shook her head, they were most definitely not shots.

"They're lying," she said shakily. "All lying." She scrambled to her feet, stumbling backwards. Tiri started to get up too, looking worried.

"You're all lying!" screamed River, spinning in a circle. Everyone was staring at her, their eyes a mixture of horror and fascination.

"River," murmured to her, reaching out to her. River shoved her away and moved backwards, ignoring the three guards that were now moving towards her.

"Run while you can," River sobbed, staring at the students. Only Volger looked as scared as she felt and she remembered he was on their program too. "They're lying," she whispered in his direction. He moved his head sharply to the left; she saw that his hands were shaking.

The men reached her and two grabbed her arms, dragging her back inside. The third turned back to the assembled students and began explaining how it was just a reaction to the drug. The explanation sounded reasonable, and students began to turn away. River wondered how many 'reactions' like hers they had already seen.

Only Volger and Tiri stared after her. Volger looked scared, Tiri shocked. Then the doors shut and she was being dragged down the hallways and deposited in front of Dr. Mathias's office.

She was escorted inside and made to sit in the chair. Dr. Mathias didn't look at all surprised to see her and focused entirely on the guards. Of course he was in on it, and the thought made her almost cry. Was no one who they said they were?

"She's showed impressive results for only three weeks of testing," said someone from behind her. She was tempted to turn around in her seat, but decided against it.

"She has already shown a willingness to attack a friend and an extreme sensitivity to bright lights and loud noises. However, she poses a problem to the other students." A second person was speaking, their voice almost identical to the first.

"And what do you suggest?" asked Dr. Mathias, his eyes turning to examine her. River flinched backwards, curling in on herself slightly.

"Make her sleep," said the first voice. "At least until the other students have assimilated and the Parliament members are through with their inspection."

"I agree. Up the dosage, double the normal dose," said Dr. Mathias, turning back to his desktop cortex. River froze, unsure what to do. Fight or flight? She didn't stand a chance at either.

Slowly she turned around, wanting to face her opponents. The two blue-handed men stood there, their hands tucked into their pockets. The shorter one smiled at her, and she decided she preferred the blank-faced one on the right. This one seemed far more dangerous to her.

He stepped forward and she began to rise out of her seat, deciding that flight was suddenly her best option. She dove for the door and felt one of the blue-handed men grab her. The smiling one stepped up next to her and grabbed her arm, twisting it at a painful angle.

"Sleep," he told her, sliding a needle into her arm. She struggled briefly and then relaxed, her vision clouding.

"Sleep."


	25. Sleep

**Chapter 25**

Everything was hazy now, like a gauze curtain had been draped across her line of vision. Sometimes she reached out to try and bat it away, but her hand passed through the air and returned to her side and by then she had already forgotten what she was doing.

That happened a lot, the forgetting. Pieces fell away and she was left with vague impressions of shadows and images and places that she might have visited. But maybe she hadn't, and she couldn't remember that either.

XXXXXXXX

She didn't go to class anymore. There was no point, no reason or logic dictating her movements. She knew she should go, following the small stream of students, but then she would drift away, hiding in hallways and rooms until everyone was gone and it was quiet again.

She followed Tiri one day, followed her to English class. Not the actual person of course, Tiri had left her alone long ago and far away. No, she just followed the echoes left behind.

She had paused outside the door, listened to the teacher speak, but she couldn't make sense of the words, of the lesson. Maybe she was regressing, River thought. She wondered if maybe she should feel worried, but she just walked away from the door, the classroom, the nonsensical words that fell in neat orderly rows like ants from the teacher's mouth.

XXXXXXXX

She wondered as she wandered, or maybe it was she wandered as she wondered? Time was linear, point A to point B to point C. Not her time. Her time came in jerks and starts, in fuzzy almost-sleeps and equally fuzzy walks. Sometimes there was clarity, and in those moments she analyzed and thought in perfect little crystals that she strung on strands of iron.

She thought sometimes that maybe the missed classes and meals and the hours of walking weren't real, that her time was manipulated and distorted and blown out of proportion. But then the curtain fell back and her walls rose again; and though she grasped for the bright little thoughts that she had thought she had thought when she was lucid the strands broke and the diamonds skittered away.

XXXXXXXX

There were needle marks on her arms, silver-white knots on snow-white skin, and sometimes she counted them, tried to calculate how much time had passed, how many days she missed.

But sometimes there were four, or fourteen, or forty. She wasn't sure anymore, the numbers slipped through her fingers like water when she was done counting and she was never sure if there were more or less than the last time or the time before that.

XXXXXXXXX

She was lying on the floor, cheek pressed against cool marble. The room was large and empty and white, and there was a window where the thin, watery sunlight came through and offered her fragile warmth.

Her body was trembling, and she was unsure whether that was because she was cold, or because she hadn't eaten or slept in days past. Or had it been weeks? Months? Years? Fog filled her mind and she thought maybe she was going insane. Another part of her told her she already was.

Footsteps echoed and hands encased in blue latex caught her arms and pulled her upright, their fingers digging into her arms and leaving bruises.

She screamed and thrashed and kicked, catching one under the jaw with her foot and throwing him backwards, twisting violently away from the other. And then she was running, feet flying as she darted through the halls, whipping around corners. There was an airshaft, and a landing pad, and a boat, and she was going up up up. Then there was cold and a box and voices and she opened her eyes and-

she was being dragged down the corridor, her body limp and unresisting. There was one on either side of her, skin unmarked, unbruised, unbroken. It wasn't real, of course it wasn't real. Mind fog parted and she knew she couldn't fight them, but the answer to why eluded her. _Programming,_ mind whispered before it went silent.

"Why not?" she asked, twisting her head so she could look at the shorter one, the one who talked more and sometimes (if she was a good girl and did what she was told) might answer one of her questions. But he didn't blink or twitch or acknowledge her, and it took her a while to realize she hadn't opened her mouth.

Dug her fingernails into her palms, felt the sting that made her remember she was still a living breathing thing, even if she didn't feel like it.

Then she realizes that the sting, while there, doesn't register. She knows she should feel it, does feel it in fact, but it doesn't compute. She can ignore it, doesn't mind or care or, if she wanted to she knows, even _feel_ it except for a little prickle at the edges of her brain, reminding her that it hurts.

She's just beginning to wonder why when she blinks and the air is colder (but not the air she knows, the feel and taste and _essence _of the air) and she is in Dr. Mathias's office in the hard orange chair in front of the brown wooden desk with blue hands on her shoulders, preventing escape into the white halls. (She finds it's easier to think in colors, makes it easier to organize).

Dr. Mathias asks a question, but the words don't make sense. She thinks it's something like 'River, why are you not in class?' but she's not sure. Besides, she has been missing class for days weeks months years now, and he hasn't noticed. She wonders why that is though, and she wants to ask, because she knows Dr. Mathias will answer her questions, even though she is unsure how she knows what she knows.

She tries to open her mouth, find the words, but the normal clear streams that run through her head are all dried up and even though she digs deep all she finds is a handful of dirt.

"All the rivers have dried up and left behind only dirt," she tries to tell him. She thinks her mouth may have opened this time because there are more words, these ones blurred and indistinct, flying around her.

_Reaction, impaired cognitive ability, inability to recognize the passage of time, first one to achieve this level, move up, next phase, increased lucidity, double the dosage._

She thinks that once she would have understood the words, but now they are meaningless to her. She thinks now she should be afraid, but she is unable to summon the correct emotion.

Blue hands pull her upright and she is moving again, shunted along through more corridors and rooms, past more people.

In the back of her mind, she wonders if the sunlight was real or imagined. Either way, she wishes she could find her way back.


	26. Mirror Mirror

**Chapter 26**

After the meeting in Dr. Mathias's office and the subsequent needles (five of them this time, shoved into various points on her arm) she finds it is easier to think. Things are still fuzzy, muted, but she can now hold a thought for longer than a few seconds.

Everything is still fuzzy and out-of-focus, but now some things are too sharp; the lights too bright, a laugh too loud. It hurts her eyes and her head and she longs for the time when she had no worries except for walking.

When she woke up, lying on her bed, she learned that it had been eight days that she had been like that. Sleepwalking, she called it.

Something had changed in that time, something she had missed. Students were more subdued, huddling in small groups and trying to avoid notice. They all avoided her; eyes widened at the sight of her and they turned away. Even Lauren and Tiri avoid her. Sometimes she senses their eyes on her but when she meets them they turn away quickly.

Tiri's gone in more ways than one. River has her own room now, with only one bed. She sometimes thinks maybe she should miss having a friend, but it is so much better having a place where she can cry as hard as she wants to without anyone noticing.

Her excursions around the school have been stopped, and every time she slips away the two men come and bring her back. For some reason she regards it as a challenge, one that she is determined to win.

XXXXXXXXXXX

She stands in the lunchroom, gripping her tray so tightly her knuckles are white and her fingers twinge with pain. Everywhere students sit in clumps, their movements quick and fearful. Their eyes dart around the room fearfully and she represses the urge to glance over her shoulder to make sure no one's behind her.

She hesitates, hovering in the middle. No one looks at her, but she can _feel_ their fear that she will sit with them; none of them want to attract attention, and River Tam seems to have the spotlight constantly on her.

Someone waves to catch her attention and she turns, hoping for Tiri. To her surprise it's Volger, sitting all alone at a table off to the side in the shadows, or at least as close as they can get in this bright light-filled school.

River pauses for only a second before moving quickly over to the table, trying not to notice the monitor's gaze following her, scrutinizing her every move.

When she takes her seat next to him, she sees Volger up close for the first time since this nightmare started, and what she sees scares her, and at the same time comforts her.

River remembers Volger as an arrogant boy who wanted to prove he was smarter than everyone. She had forgotten that he was in the program with her, and had been since the beginning. In his face she could see the emptiness that was on her own.

His eyes were filled with pain, and when he clenched his fist violently at the sudden clatter of a plate that left her dizzy with the echoing in her head she realized that he was the same as her.

His eyes were clearer, his grasp on the here and now tighter, but they were the same. He was looking at her as well, his expression one of complete exhaustion. She realizes he lost all of his friends like she did, that no one else is like them. They are hurt, yes, but they are all still whole. In Volger, she can see the cracks that begin to cover her, tiny little things that are so small they are barely visible as of yet.

"We're breaking," she says. She wants to tell him more; tell him about the nightmares and the two men with blue hands and the needles and the pain. She wants to tell him about the way the world is so blurred and so sharp at the same time, how she can't go outside or near other students because they trigger headaches so intense she just wants to die.

She doesn't though, because she can tell that he understands, and that he is the same. They are together, two fish trying desperately to swim upstream, two birds stuck in a cage.

He says nothing as he stares at the sandwich on his plate, not eating. She copies the gesture, telling herself she should eat but not able to summon up the appropriate amount of energy.

She is so tired now, tired of the noise and the fog in her mind. Tired of the needles and the doctors and trying to pay attention in class. She liked it better when time was a meaningless construct and she could wander around the school, lost in her own thoughts.

Or at least, in her mind. Back then she couldn't think thoughts, or else she can't remember doing so. Everything was numb and painless and silent. She didn't have to think or eat or sleep, though she knows she did at least two of the three.

River tries to formulate her thoughts, but its hard, so hard. She can't remember the last time she wrote to Simon, and she decides to do so. Maybe if she asks politely he will get her out, or at least pay her a visit. She misses him, his warm smile and ready laughter. Together they could play and dance and sing.

She misses dancing, because fighting is not dancing, even though she can adapt many moves from ballet. She is just contemplating whether she should inquire as to when her instructor is coming back when someone's touch on her back makes her stiffen violently.

It's Volger, of course, and she wonders who else it would be. An answer presents itself immediately but she pushes it away sharply and turns around.

Volger is standing there, waiting for her to get up. The lunchroom is empty, the clock on the wall saying that almost five hours and thirty minutes has passed. She wonders why no one told them; why time seems to move so quickly now, hours gone in the blink of an eye.

She scrambles up quickly, abandoning her untouched tray on the table. She is supposed to go to class, she knows this, it is an unspoken rule in this place. Now she has missed one class and half of another. She can live without free time.

She follows Volger down the hallways, trying very hard to make herself invisible to the cameras she knows are everywhere. She tries not to think about her success rate, but when no one appears she becomes marginally more cheerful.

They are just rounding the last corner for math class when she hears them behind her; their footsteps make a distinctive noise on the tile, slow and unhurried. She speeds up, almost running. Volger does as well, and at first she thinks he is responding to her, but when he glances over his shoulder she realizes he knows of them too, and is just as scared of them. The thought comforts her somewhat, to know she is not alone.

They arrive at the door to the classroom and she darts inside, trying to become invisible as she walks rapidly down the aisle and sits in her seat. Students glance at her and then look away; the teacher continues as if nothing has happened. She is discussing some mathematical concept that River knows she has already learned, but the words fall out of her mouth all jumbled up and she bites her lip to keep back a shriek.

In the seat next to her Tiri shifted slightly, her eyes flicking quickly to River's face and then away. River wants to ask what is bothering her, but she knows already. She wants to see if she is okay, but is too afraid to ask. River knows she is not okay, that she won't be okay again as long as she is here, but decides not to tell Tiri that. She knows already, they all do.

Tiri scratches something down on the paper they have to use and River realizes they are supposed to be taking notes. The pencil and the paper sit in front of her, waiting for use. She almost picks up the pencil, but then her hand falls back down.

The teacher stares at her and she stares back. She is tired of playing by their rules, and this teacher is not someone she is frightened of. The teacher looks away first, glancing down at her desk on the pretext of finding a paper.

She stands up, her chair scraping on the floor. She bites back a wince and turns, walking out of the classroom, ignoring the stares. On her way out she catches Volger's eye. He stares at her, and his expression is immeasurably sad. She can feel it fixed on the back of her head until the door shuts behind her, and even then she can feel the memory of it.

She pauses in the hallway, suddenly unsure. She wants to go home, she wants to sleep. She wants to be real again, to touch something and know that it is there and not a figment of her imagination. Everything here has taken on a nightmare quality, unreal and blurred at the edges.

She's walking before the thought has fully formed in her mind, her feet guiding her onwards. She breaks into a run, feet slapping the floor, not realizing she has no shoes until the cold hits her feet.

She can remember putting on her shoes, tying the laces, but she can't remember when she took them off. She turns the corner and thinks maybe it was outside the math classroom. Another corner and she has forgotten what she was thinking about, another and she is there.

River stops outside the abandoned dance room, glancing around to make sure she is truly alone before opening the door and walking inside.

The place has an air of neglect to it, and she realizes that no one has been in here since the instructor left. She spins, not dancing but examining, and sees the whirl of motion as the mirrors reflect her back.

Mirrors are on every wall, covering every inch. Ten, twenty, thirty Rivers look back at her. All have the same pale face, the same heavy black hair and large dark terrified eyes. They all wear the same too-large gray sweatshirt and jeans.

River bites back a sob at the naked fear in her eyes, the way her body is curled in on itself, the way her arms wrap around her middle like she is holding herself together. She doesn't like it, the reflection doesn't look like her. She's supposed to be happy and full of life, not like a corpse.

She steps closer to the mirror in front of her, looking for any hint of her former self. One hand presses up against the mirror, smudging the cool glass. She doesn't care and steps closer, pressing her forehead against the glass and raising her other hand.

She doesn't know how long she stands there, letting the silence eat away at the headache that has been building all day long. When she looks up again, feeling more relaxed than she has in a long time, she sees a flash of blue in the mirror.

She whirls with a scream, her back slamming into the mirror. The two men stand there; the tall one expressionless, the shorter one looking almost amused. She pushes herself flat against the glass, trying to blend. The reflections of herself across the room do the same, trying and failing.

"Why aren't you in class?" asks the shorter one calmly. There's something about his face that suggests he is about to start smiling, though she imagines his face will shatter. His partner's definitely would, and she almost giggles as the thought occurs to her.

She stops it before it bursts out, though it's a struggle. She's not sure entirely why the idea strikes her as so funny, but it does anyways.

The man repeats his question, more impatiently this time, and she cringes slightly, thinking that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea after all to walk out. No answer comes to mind so she stays silent.

The shorter man frowns and the taller man moves forwards, walking towards her. She closes her eyes, rashly deciding that the childhood trick might work. It doesn't and she feels someone grab her arm and drag her forwards. She decides that she doesn't want to open her eyes or go with them and she lets herself go as limp as possible, a trick she used to pull on Simon.

The man almost drops her as she collapses downwards, barely managing to stop her before she hit the floor. He shakes her roughly and she stays as still as possible, trying not to react. There is the sound of more feet and then someone grabs her other arm, pulling her upright easily.

She tenses instinctively, waiting for a blow. Instead there is only a small pop that reminds her of something.

"If you are going to sleep Ms. Tam, you might as well do it properly." The voice is right next to her and she jumps, abruptly remembering what the sound was and trying to pull herself away just as the shorter man twists her arm painfully, inserting the needle into her bloodstream.

Her mind goes fuzzy and she falls to the floor as their hands release her, landing painfully on her wrist. She tries to open her eyes, managing a brief flutter, and sees a puddle of black and white and blue in the mirror. Then her eyes slide close again

She does not open them again.


	27. The First Cut Is Always the Hardest

**Chapter 27**

_ Spinning. Everything's spinning. Her head lolls to one side and the room shifts position again, the doctors moving around and around._

_ Lazily she blinks, darkness falling over her line of vision. When she opens her eyes again everyone has moved, sliding over the coordinate plane that covers the room._

_ Voices twine around her, their sounds fuzzy and indistinct. Hands touch her face and put something cold on her forehead._

_ It's too cold, and it feels like it's burning. She frowns and tries to tug away. It's burning her and it hurts. Something's not right._

_ She tries to move but her body is too heavy. The burning is intensifying. Hotter and hotter and hotter. She turns her head desperately, trying to escape._

_ Movement and voices and ithurtsithurtsithurts! She sobs and then something touches her arm. There's pain, one more flash of it, and then she sleeps. _

_ She dreams of being tied to a stake and set on fire._

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

River jerks awake in her room, bolting upright and falling out of the bed, her legs tangled in the sheets. She kicks her way free and scrambles up, stumbling at the head rush that greets her.

Collapsing on the bed she tries to get her bearings, waiting for the room to stop swirling around her. Spots crawl in front of her eyes and she squeezes them shut before opening them again, blinking desperately to clear away the afterimages.

Slowly the room rights itself and she cautiously sits up, trying to move as slowly as possible. Her head aches, but that's not unusual these days. Carefully she stands up, staggering slightly before finding her balance.

She grabs her clothes and slides out of the room, heading into the bathroom. She moves to turn on the shower and then freezes, whirling around as her brain catches up with her eyes.

The mirror is small but clear and she stands in front of it, staring at her face. Or, more specifically, her forehead.

There's a cut on her forehead, small and circular, like she stabbed it with a pen. A small trickle of dried blood comes from it, and from what she can see of it, it's deep.

She raises a shaking hand, intent on shoving back some of her hair so that she can get a better view, and then freezes when her hand come in contact with her head.

The whole left side of her head is sticky, her hair clumped together. The world swims in front of her and, realizing she's not breathing, she sucks in a shaky breath.

Very, very, slowly she takes her hand away. There's red on it, and she doesn't need to be a genius to tell that it's blood.

She shoves her hair back wildly, fingers running desperately over her head. Her scalp twinges and then throbs as she yanks her fingers through her hair, but she doesn't even notice. She's too busy searching.

_There_. Her hand freezes in the middle of its search and then gently runs over the same portion of her scalp. A raised section almost five inches long crosses her skin and she knows it wasn't there yesterday or any day before that.

She pokes at it and then gasps as pain shoots through her head, making her knees buckle slightly. She catches herself on the edge of the vanity and pulls herself back up.

It's a scar, she's certain of it. She's been reading Simon's medical textbooks since he decided he was going to become a surgeon and she's well aware of what this particular scar is over.

Her brain. Namely, the amygdala. The fear center of the brain. She knows too that there is no reason to cut there, no reason that she can have a scar there.

Then she realizes something else, and even her fast reflexes can't save her from hitting the floor.

_It's a scar_. The words repeat over and over in her mind as she sits there on the clod tile, her legs drawn up to her chest.

A scar. That means that it had to have healed, that it was a while ago rather than only a few hours. She touches it again, trying to forget that it's on her head, over her brain.

From what she could tell, it was three days old and the only reason it was healed so well was that it had been treated with some of the best medicine in the Core.

All thoughts (hopes, really) that it had happened on accident were gone from her mind. Unless she had fallen on a scalpel, sliced her own head open, sewed it back up, treated it with medicine, and then found her way back to her room where she slept for _three days _without help or attracting notice, it had been deliberate.

Someone, for no reason at all, had cut her head open. And, she realized, hands running over the wound again, chances were they cut into her brain as well.

She can't help it this time. She screams as loudly as she can, hoping that somehow, somewhere, Simon can hear her and is coming to get her out.

Because the Academy, she sees now, is not her own personal dream. It's her own personal nightmare.


	28. A Plan Comes to Light

**Chapter 28**

Fifteen minutes later she is sitting in the cafeteria, staying as still as possible and pretending that no one is looking at her, noticing that her clothes are the same as yesterday or that she has dried blood under her fingernails from where they have dug into her palms in the effort to stop her hands from shaking.

There is only one thing in her mind now, and that is to talk to someone that she trusts (or at least the thing that passes for trust these days; she doesn't trust anyone, except maybe Simon, but he's not here. She doesn't even trust herself anymore) and there are only two people in this building that seem to fit that description anymore: Tiri and Volger. She doesn't think Tiri will believe her, so there is only one option.

Volger sits down next to her and starts eating his rice, not even acknowledging her, and she wonders if he's ignoring her. She hesitates, giving him a sideways glance, but he seems to be in a world of his own so she pokes him in the arm. He doesn't seem to register it and so she tries again, digging her finger into his upper arm.

This time he reacts and glances at her in confusion. She knows the confusion isn't for wondering why she's poking him, it's because he's trying to remember who she is and where they are. Eventually he blinks and continues staring at her, now wondering why she poked him.

River gets up and walks quickly to the exit, keeping her head down and trying to avoid attention (which is easier said than done, she seems to have a neon sign over her head).

She knows Volger will follow her, and follow her he does, his shoes tapping sharply against the floor. She leads the way back to her room, leaving the door open as she steps inside.

Volger follows her in and then stands in the middle of the room, eyes traveling over her suitcase and books and the stuff on the desk she had left out last night (or was it three nights?) so that she would remember to write to Simon.

She sits down on her bed, drawing her legs up to her chin and curling her body inwards unconsciously. He follows her, sitting down next to her and making the bed creak, his feet planted on the ground.

There is no need for words or sounds or noises of any kind, for which River is grateful. She is so tired of talking, of trying to force the words out her mouth in response to a question.

Her hand reaches out and takes Volger's, tugging it towards her scalp. She releases it in mid-air, knowing he will hold it there, and pushes her hair aside, clearing most of the area around the scar.

Fingers probe the area gently and she feels the instinct to reach up and break the wrist of whoever's doing that, even though she knows it is only Volger and that he is a friend, or at least the closest thing she has in this place. The reaction scares her and she automatically lifts her hands to her head, trying and failing to contain all the thoughts and emotions whirling around like little scraps of paper caught in a windstorm.

Someone grabs her hands and untangles her fingers from her hair before moving them back to their old position. She looks up and sees Volger's eyes staring back at her, dark blue boring into brown.

"We need to get out." His voice is rusty and dry, probably suffering from the same misuse as her own, but the words are still clear. She nods in agreement, ignoring the dizziness that accompanies the gesture, and is just about to try and force a few words out of her mouth when there is a knock on her door.

They both freeze in place, their muscles locking down, and the door opens to reveal the two men standing outside. They do not look amused.

"Isn't this pleasant?" asks the shorter one, his voice calm. He stares at them and his ever-present smile drops. "Get. To. Class." His tone is cold and very, very annoyed.

River leaps to her feet and dives past them, squeezing into herself to avoid touching them. Once in the hallway she runs as fast as she can, not looking back to see if Volger is with her, even though she can hear his shoes slapping the tiles behind her.

Skidding, she turns the corner and rebounds off of the wall before she continues her race to class. Reaching the room she throws the door open and barely manages to slow down enough so she doesn't go right past her seat. The teacher doesn't even look up, even though every student's head swivels in her direction.

Ten seconds later Volger comes through the door, marginally more slowly and quietly, and slides into his seat. This time, almost no one looks.

And on her desk across the room with her finger, River begins to draw a map of the school and label all of its exits.


	29. Night Terrors

**Chapter 29**

It was dark. Completely and utterly dark. River lay in her bed with her eyes squeezed shut, trying very hard to go to sleep. It wasn't working, the dark surrounded her and monsters moved through her room, waiting to pounce.

The darkness pressed down on her, smothering her. She tried to breathe but no air entered her lungs. She struggled upright and the blankets grabbed her, dragging her back down.

She couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe, _she couldn't breathe!_

With a thump she landed on the floor in a tangle of limbs and blankets. Kicking wildly she staggered to her feet, diving for the door. Her hands fumbled for the doorknob and her lungs ached for air.

The door flew open suddenly and she sprawled onto the tile floor of the hallway, sucking in air, the door closing behind her with a click. She pushed herself up and fell backwards against the wall, curling into a ball. Her hands went to her head and her fingers tangled in her hair.

She could breathe now, out here in the bright lights. She wouldn't go back into her room, not in the dark, and they couldn't make her.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway and she looked up, her fingers tightening in her hair, and then relaxed slightly. There was only one pair of footsteps, and they were quick and heavy, not slow and self-assured.

A security guard rounded the corner, dressed in his gray uniform. He frowned at the sight of her crouched on the floor and moved towards her, hand dropping to his pocket where she supposed he had a transmitter.

"Hey there," he said, making an effort to sound kind. "What's your name?" River frowned up at him, curling farther into herself. He waited for a few seconds before deciding to give up.

"Go back in your room now," he tells her, stepping around her and opening the door. The dark looms out at her, fingers stretching, and she jumps up, moving backwards until she hits the far wall.

The guard is annoyed now, he doesn't want to deal with her. Stepping towards her he extends one hand to grab her by the arm. She ducks and pivots, stamping down on his foot and driving her elbow back into his nose. The move is fueled by instinct and when he stumbles back, bleeding heavily, she feels sick.

Whirling, she runs down the hallway at a breakneck speed, knowing the guard is calling in back-up.

She slips and falls, landing painfully on her hands and knees. Gasping in shock she jumps back up and takes off again, ignoring the stinging on her palms and kneecaps.

There's a door on her left and she goes through it, finding herself in an empty bedroom. There are more footsteps now and she shuts the door quickly before turning to scan the room for a hiding place.

She sees the bed and, dropping down, she rolls underneath it, trying to stay as still as possible. She's having trouble breathing again but she ignores it; less breathing means she's quieter.

The door opens and someone comes in. River freezes, trying not to breathe. The person pauses for a few seconds, probably surveying the room, and then drops down so that he can look under the bed.

It's Dr. Mathias, his face arranged in a comforting expression.

"River, what are you doing under there?" he asks her, staring at her intently. She gasps and tries to move backwards. With a sigh he reaches out and grabs her ankle.

She screams and lashes out, kicking wildly, and manages to catch him on the side of his head. He falls backwards and she rolls out from under the bed and leaves the room, running again.

There are more footsteps and then shouts as they discover Dr. Mathias. River runs faster, heart pounding wildly. She turns another corner and, somehow knowing where she is going, finds herself outside another door.

With a quick glance around her she dives inside, fingers scrabbling for a light switch when she is met by pitch-blackness.

The lights come on with a flash and she sees she's in another bedroom. Someone jerks upright with a gasp and she sees it's Volger's.

He stares at her for a second, eyes terrified, before he recognizes her. His eyes widen and he stares at her in horror before he looks behind her.

Jumping out of his bed he comes towards her and yanks her farther inside, shutting the door to his room quickly and quietly. Dragging her along by her wrist he pulls her to his bed.

River drops and rolls instantly, curling up tightly in the cramped space. Volger shoves his bags under there with her, almost smothering her, and then she hears him move to the door again. There's a click and then the lights go out. Volger darts across the room and lands on his bed with a thump that shakes the bed.

River curls up tighter, hands scrabbling at her knees, trying to ignore the fact that she's crowded under a bed in the dark. Her breathing becomes more erratic; it feels like she's trying to breathe through a thick cloth.

The door bangs open and any thoughts of fighting her way free of the confines of the bed are abandoned instantly.

The light clicks on and Volger is dragged out of bed, gasping and struggling. A face appears in front of her and she screams, trying to fight her way free of the stuff piled all around her. A cloth bag tangles around her face and she claws at it desperately, unable to breathe.

A hand grabs her arm and yanks her out from under the bed, dragging her to her feet in one smooth movement. River doubles over, trying to breathe, and sees Volger held tightly by the expressionless blue-handed man. His face is apologetic and she shakes her head, trying to indicate that it's not his fault.

The shorter man turns and pulls her out of the room, ignoring her weak attempts to pull away. There's a thump and then the other man is holding onto her other arm, pulling her along. Her head is swimming and she can barely stay upright.

They drag her down the hallways until they arrive back at her room. The door's wide open and she can see the blackness waiting to eat her.

She struggles violently, ineffectively trying to dig her heels in. They ignore her attempts to escape and continue moving forwards. In light of present danger the words she has had trouble locating come back in a rush.

"No, please," she begs, struggling wildly. "I don't want to go back. Please don't make me go back!" She kicks the taller man as hard as she can in the shins but he doesn't even flinch.

She twists out of their hands and takes off down the hallway, but strong hands grab her from behind and yank her to a stop before she gets very far. She sobs, tears in her eyes.

"The dark's going to eat me," she tells them, trying to pull away as they drag her back. "Please, it's going to kill me. I can't breathe!"

They shove her in and she falls hard onto the ground. She staggers to her feet and tries to go around them but the shorter man just shoves her back down.

"Get to bed," he tells her, voice emotionless. River gets up slowly, not wanting to be pushed again, and cautiously makes her way backwards until the backs of her legs touch the bed. She sits down slowly, pulling her legs up so she's sitting cross-legged.

"Don't leave your room again at night," says the shorter man. He turns, his partner already gone, and then reaches out and hits the light switch before slamming the door.

On her bed, River lets out a small sigh of relief and lays down. Her eyes slide closed and she dreams of running and running and not moving.


	30. Fights and Cortexes

**Chapter 30**

The fighting instructor says something loudly, her voice echoing throughout the large room. Around the room students move, the sounds of their bare feet muted thumps in the background.

River glances up from her position on the floor, following the movement of the other students in an attempt to understand what they are doing. She hadn't been paying attention; she had been calculating the best positions that a hidden camera would need to be in so that she could better improve her mental map of school security.

"River," says the instructor, bending down so that her face is level with River's. "Why aren't you following directions?" River hesitates, words vanishing like smoke as soon as she reaches for them, and feels someone come up behind her.

"She's my partner," says Volger, his voice subdued. "She was waiting for me." The teacher nods, her face skeptical, and moves off. River stands, turning to face Volger.

She bites back a wince when she sees him; there's a bruise on his cheek from where he collided with the floor.

"Thank you," she tells him, trying to convey that it's for more than now, when he saved her. Volger nods and they move off together, slipping to the back of the room and hiding behind the rest of the students.

The teacher is talking again, probably explaining what they are going to do, but River ignores her and turns to Volger instead. He's looking back at her, eyes expectant.

"Dr. Mathias's office," she tells him, trying to speak in short sentences. She doesn't like talking out loud like this but she does it anyways; she needs to make sure her point comes across clear and unmuddled.

To his credit, Volger catches on fast. "The cortex," he says, eyes brightening. He glances over his shoulder to one of the locations she had picked out for a camera and then moves closer to her, lowering his voice. "How?"

"I can hack it," she tells him, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I just need to be alone." He keeps looking at her, obviously waiting for details or assurances or _something_ but her throat is all closed up again and she can't force anymore words past her lips.

"Begin!" calls the teacher suddenly, her command startling River and Volger out of their soft conversation. River glances up, notices their teacher watching them, and looks back at Volger for help. Instead, all she sees is a closed fist swinging at her face.

She understands instantly and ducks underneath it before pivoting and catching Volger simultaneously in the stomach and neck with her elbows. He stumbles backwards and she spins, her foot arcing upwards to catch him in the side of the head.

Her moves are light, tempered, and she knows that she won't really hurt him. She turns again and swipes one leg across the floor, catching him behind the knee and sending him sprawling.

She pauses, staring down at him. His face is expressionless and she can't get a read on his emotions. He stares up at her for a second before extending one hand upwards in a gesture for help.

Reaching down she grabs his hand, thinking he wants her to pull him up. Instead he pulls her down with him in a swift move that has her landing on the floor right next to him.

For a second she can only gape at him, stunned. She can't believe she fell for that, it was the oldest trick in the book and one Simon had used on her many times. Then he starts smiling and she smiles back, for a second forgetting where she is. When he starts laughing she can't help herself and soon they are both overcome with giggles.

Shoving herself upright she kicks his ribs and then sticks her tongue out at him. It's childish, but still immensely satisfying. Besides, this is the first time she has smiled in two weeks, laughed in three. It feels good to be happy again.

Someone clears their throat, the sound loud in the silence that has fallen over the room, and River looks up, her smile already fading.

All the students are staring at her, their faces both fearful and curious. They don't want something bad to happen, but at the same time they want to see what type of punishment they are going to get.

Volger quickly climbs to his feet next to her, eyes apprehensive. River stares at the teacher who stares back at her, looking distinctly unamused. She was the one who had cleared her throat, River knew, and she was the one to be afraid of right now.

"Are you two quite finished?" she asks, voice cold. River nods and looks down, balancing on one foot and then the other.

They hadn't really done anything wrong; in any other school in the 'verse the students would probably be laughing, as would the teacher. It was only a simple practice drill, it wasn't like they had interrupted her teaching.

"Excellent. Carry on." And with that she goes back to ignoring them, though River can still feel her eyes darting back to the two of them over and over again throughout the rest of the lesson.

They are careful to be serious now, refraining from doing anything remotely looking like they are joking around. They are both on the edge for what happened last night (she can still remember the dark and the blood and the lack of oxygen) and now they are closer, pebbles sliding out from under their feet and bouncing of the dirt cliff as it tumbles down down down.

When the lesson is done River leaves the room quickly, darting into the hallway before the words are even halfway out of the teacher's mouth. Will this count as skipping? She doesn't think it should and creates arguments in her head to justify her point (not that they will listen).

She is halfway to lunch when someone calls her name. She turns, expecting Volger, and sees a security guard, thankfully not the one she attacked last night. She tilts her head to the side, waiting.

"You need to come with me to Dr. Mathias's office," he says, already turning. She doesn't move, keeping her feet planted on the floor. She needs to understand the chain-of-command: what will bring down more guards, what will bring the blue-handed men, what will prompt an explanation or a forced arrival by one guard. All is paramount to the escape plan, she must know every detail of how the school works.

"Now," he adds when he sees she hasn't moved. She wants to move, oh how badly she wants to move, but she keeps herself rooted to the spot and tries to ignore the fact that the whole cliff is crumbling underneath her feet (perhaps this wasn't the best time to conduct experiments).

There's a sigh of annoyance and the guard moves towards her, preparing to grab her, when she hears footsteps. She can't tell if they're coming for her or if they're going somewhere else; possibly they're just trying to scare her. Whichever it is it works and she moves, shoving past the guard and ignoring his cry of annoyance.

He catches up with her of course; she's too busy making sure she doesn't step on any cracks (she might not like her mother, but she doesn't wish that on her). Grabbing her arm he drags her along, ignoring the fact that she has to walk very quickly to keep up with his long strides.

They arrive at Dr. Mathias's office and he pushes her inside, not bothering to be gentle at all. The door closes behind her with a click and she turns, expecting to see Dr. Mathias. Instead the room is empty and she smiles.

She moves quickly, before she can lose her nerve, and walks to Dr. Mathias's desktop cortex. Her hands dance across the screen, turning it on. He's already logged in and she breathes a sigh of relief; it will be much easier to find what she's looking for if she doesn't have to hack in. She's been breaking into cortexes for years, ever since Simon had gotten a dedicated sourcebox, and she was very, very good at it.

She works as fast as she can, searching for schematics of the building. She finds them and opens them, memorizing which hallways connect to which rooms and finding the fastest ways out. She closes that and finds the security roster, her brain attaching faces to names as she scans it.

Then she finds the codes for the doors that will override the system. These are only for emergencies such as fires or earthquakes, but she decides that this qualifies as an emergency.

She's just reading through them when she hears footsteps in the hallway. Fingers flying she closes all the programs and is just clearing her search history when the door opens.

She stumbles backwards instantly, trying not to look too guilty. It's an effort doomed to failure and Dr. Mathias rushes across the room to yank her away from the cortex.

She notices that there is a large bruise on his head from her kick and tries not to let her satisfaction show on her face. Which, of course, is very easy, as her primary emotion right now is ohgodohgodimgoingtodie.

"River, what are you doing?" asks Dr. Mathias, his voice barely-controlled fury.

"I was trying to see if I could wave Simon," River blurts instantly, the lie forming before she even thinks about it. It's the quickness with which she answers that seems to convince Dr. Mathias. He swallows, making an effort to compose himself.

"River, you need to ask permission before you do something like that," he says, his voice marginally more calm. She drops her eyes and he continues. "I'm sure your brother is very busy and doesn't want to be bothered." River nods and bites back a very rude retort.

He finally releases her arm and she hurries to sit down, keeping her gaze resolutely fixed on the floor. Dr. Mathias moves behind his desk and spends a few minutes examining his cortex before coming to the conclusion that she had not touched anything she wasn't supposed to.

"Now River," he starts again, settling down into his seat. "We need to talk about last night." River chokes on her own breath, barely managing to suck in a shaky gasp.

"You were out of your bed, attacked both a security and myself, and broke into another student's room. Would you like to tell me why?"

"The dark was going to eat me," River blurts out instantly, unable to keep the words back. Her eyes flick up and see Dr. Mathias staring back at her, his face politely disbelieving. It was exactly as she thought it would look like.

"The dark was going to eat you?" he asks, his tone completely even. Any anger over the cortex incident is now long gone in face of her answer.

"Yes. There were monsters and claws and I couldn't breathe and I needed to get out," she babbles, unable to stop talking. This is much, much worse than not being able to talk at all and she finds herself missing the quiet. She looks up once again at Dr. Mathias's vaguely incredulous face and feels a hint of suspicion.

There's something wrong about his emotions, the way his face is arranged. No, it's more than that, but she can't tell what it is.

"I won't do it again," she promises, unobtrusively crossing her fingers under the desk. He stares at her for a few more moments before he nods.

"I'll hold you to that River," he tells her. "Now go, you're going to be late." She stands and walks to the door, anxious to see Volger and tell him what she had discovered and equally relieved to get out of this office.

She hesitates for a second at the door, almost turning around to ask whether Simon had written yet or not. Then she turns and leaves the room.

She already knows the answer.


	31. Fire

**Chapter 31**

_The light is bright, too bright. It shines into her eyes, blinding her. She closes her eyes but it's still there, bleaching away the shadows and causing blue to dance behind her closed lids. It hurts so much and she bites back a scream. She won't give them that._

_ There's a needle in her head, she knows even though she can't see it. She can feel it, cold and metal and _painful_. _

_ She tries to move, to fight, but her wrists and ankles are shackled, metal bands holding them tight to the chair._

_ Around her there are people, moving and whispering and adjusting equipment. There's beeping, some machine measuring and calculating something. Her heartbeat? Her blood pressure? She doesn't know, doesn't know anything anymore._

_ Hands, cold and rubbery, touch her face and she yanks away, turning her head away desperately. Another pair of hands join the first, grabbing her chin and the top of her head and holding her head steady. The other pair touches the needle and the pain increases, the machine beeping more rapidly in response, before they pull it out, leaving only an echo of the pain behind._

_ She relaxes slightly, tears forming in her still-closed eyes, and she blinks them away. She won't cry, she won't. They're still there though, hot and salty, and she can't get rid of them._

_ More voices and movements and then the needle is back, cold metal holding it in place. She twists, fighting desperately against the hands that hold her head in place, but still the needle is there, the pain growing by the second._

_ Because it's not pain, it's fire, burning her alive. It races through her veins, pumping through her bloodstream, and she can see skin blackening, pieces of hair streamers of fire._

_ Tears slip down her cheeks but they don't put out the fire, they simply make it burn hotter. There is nothing she can do to put it out, to make it stop, so she does the one thing she still can._

_ She screams. _

_ And somewhere in the back of her mind something snaps. _


	32. Train Station

**Chapter** 32

The wind whips around her and sends her hair dancing, each strand wrapping tightly around her face. The sun beats down from above, tempering the chill of the wind, and people rush around her in a stream, yelling and chattering and _loudloudloud_.

She knows she's dreaming, how could she not? The sun isn't causing headaches and dizziness, isn't burning and painful and _cold_. (Because, though they have two suns on the planet where the Academy is located, they are never warm. The suns are too far away for much heat to reach the building)

People are running into her and she is not screaming or flinching or attacking. They are loud, yes, but no too loud; they do not set off the ringing throbbing aching pain that noise or people or touch elicit from her these days.

River shoves the hair off of her face and spins, searching for a sign or a landmark or anything to tell her where she is. She knows this is a dream, but she doesn't want to wake up. It's peaceful here, even though she is surrounded by a steady wall of noise. She feels normal here, something that is almost alien to her after these four weeks at the Academy.

A whistle blows, sharp and piercing, and she flinches, clapping her hands over her ears to try and prevent an inevitable headache.

But there is nothing and she laughs in delighted disbelief, her lips stretching into a smile that makes her face feel like it's being cracked in half.

The whistle, she realizes when she can think again. It's a train whistle. A Silver Phoenix if she remembers correctly, a high-end hovertrain that was rated as the best land transport for five years in a row. So she's at the train station. She spins again, looking for the train tracks. Perhaps, if the dream will allow, she will board a train and fly away, away from the Academy and the guards and the needles and towards freedom and her brother (because Simon was equal to freedom, better than even).

She sees the sign, printed in Mandarin and English, and takes off, forcing her way through the crowd of people. She feels light as she darts among them, almost like she's floating, and she deliberately allows someone to knock into her just so that she can assure herself that the panic attacks will not happen.

The whistle sounds again and she runs faster, laughing and tilting her face up to the sun. The wind makes her hair stream out behind her like a banner and she laughs harder, imagining how she looks to all of these people, figments of her own imagination.

She can see the train now, silver and gleaming through the throngs of people. She shoves her way through some gaps, eyes locked on it. It's older and slightly dirty from all of its trips around the planet but she doesn't care. It looks like freedom and she wants, no _needs,_ to board it.

She forces her way through the crowd, pushing and shoving and even kicking to make her way to that train. She bursts free all of a sudden and goes flying, landing painfully on the pavement.

Scrambling upwards, ignoring the stinging on her hands and knees, she throws herself at the train only to ram straight into someone so hard she almost falls again.

Hands reach out to help her but she shoves them away, not even looking at the random mind-generated person. But the hands will not go away and instead one grabs her by the wrist, yanking her to a stop. She whirls, ready to yell or punch or do something. Instead she is stopped dead in her tracks by a face, achingly familiar, more so than even her own.

"Hey there River," says Simon, staring down at her with a bemused smile on his face. "Where do you think you're going?"


	33. Train, Part Two

**Chapter 33**

"Simon?" It comes out somewhere between a whimper and a whisper, the word torn from her mouth before she can even think about it.

He smiles down at her, his eyes confused but playful.

"River?" he asks, copying her tone of voice.

She reaches out a hand and rests her fingertips lightly on his cheek. He's solid. He's real. _Simon_.

"Simon!" she screams, launching herself at him. She wraps her arms around him and clings to him tightly, terrified that someone will tear her away from him and drag her back back back to the Academy.

He puts his arms around her, holding her to him, and she clings to him even more tightly, her fingers digging into his shoulders and bunching the fabric of his shirt into her fists.

For one second it is how it was before the Academy and the needles and the two by two hands of blue. She can think and feel and Simon is here. _Simon_. She can't get over the fact that he is here, actually here. He's hugging her, protecting her. He always protects her.

He releases her suddenly, hands dropping from her hair and back and moving to her shoulders, prying her off of him.

She clings to him, refusing to let go. If she lets go he will fade away and she will be alone again. She won't let go, she won't she won't she _won't_.

"River, mei mei?" He's worried, she can hear it in his voice. "Mei mei, you have to let go of me now. You're going to miss your train."

That makes her pause, and in her momentary stillness Simon pries her off of him, positioning her several inches away, though he still keeps ahold of one of her hands.

"Train?" she repeats, waiting for clarification. She wanted a train, yes, but only to take her to Simon. And now Simon is here, actually _here_, and she won't leave him for all the gold in the 'verse.

"Yes River, your train." He speaks slowly, as if talking to a very young child. She almost sticks her tongue out at him, except that he is more confused than she is which is impressive and very scary at the same time.

"Your train for school," he clarifies when she continues to stare up at him with a blank look in her eyes. "You know, the train to the Academy? You're going to miss it if you don't go now."

And it clicks, all the puzzle pieces falling into place abruptly. The train station, Simon, the clarity of mind. She's going to the Academy, before any of this happened. It's a memory.

She turns and watches as an old lady behind her spills her chamomile tea all over her pink sweater. The same thing happened when she was leaving, all happy and excited on the platform waiting for the train.

"No!" It's a scream, almost as loud and piercing as the whistle, but she doesn't care. She won't go back, won't board the train and take the journey and relive the nightmare all over again.

She stumbles backwards, tripping and falling over her own feet again. This time, when Simon tries to help her up, she bats his hands away.

"I don't want to go," she implores him, feeling the tears brimming in her eyes. "Please don't make me."

Simon stares at her, worried but still smiling at her.

"River, it's fine. It's just a school, and I'll still be able to write to you and see you on holidays. You'll be fine."

"I won't be fine," she spits at him, backing up. The whole platform is rumbling, the train is coming. "They'll take you and stick needles in your arms and you won't be able to dance or think or play or laugh. They're hurting me Simon. It's not fine! It's not!" Her voice has risen to a scream, but no one has noticed.

"Time to meet the train River," Simon tells her, still smiling. He hasn't noticed her screaming fit, hasn't blinked or frowned or looked horrified. He steps backwards, still smiling. "Time to meet the train."

And he steps backwards, right off the platform and into the path of the incoming train.

It rushes past in a blur of silver, not pausing and never-ending. In the noise of the train's passing, no one hears her scream.

She is still screaming when she wakes up in the metal chair at the Academy. Hands at her face and shushing noise but she can't stop, _can't stop_.

Tumbles to the ground and pulls herself into a tiny ball, sobbing and shaking and screaming screaming _screaming_. Can't stop, can't stop.

Dead, gone, _never was there._

It was a dream, just a dream. Breathe River, calm down. It was just a dream. (The voice, it isn't hers)

She knows it was a dream, but Simon was there. She wants Simon. She _needs_ Simon. (Simon wasn't there)

She didn't see Simon, didn't hug him or have him hug her. Simon wasn't there.

The screams give way to tears.


	34. Snakes in the Garden of Eden

**Chapter 34**

She's still crying almost twenty minutes later, except the tears have long since dried up and she's choking on her own breath, her throat raw from first the screams and then the sobs.

Her head is pounding and it feels like there is an icepick stuck in her head. Everything is blurry and foggy and the room seems to be spinning at a rate of five miles per hour around the only fixed point in the room, her.

She can't stop crying. She thinks she's in shock, but she's not certain; her thoughts aren't coherent, they're all mixed up and turned upside down.

Her dream. They hijacked her dream. Or did they make her dream it? She doesn't know, _she doesn't know._ The distinction is a matter of life and death (her life, their death, or the other way around?).

There are people talking around her, pointing and gesturing and making an effort to keep their loud loud _loud _voices down. She wants to tell them it's not working, but her mouth is occupied with sobbing. She wishes she could stop crying, but she can't. Her brain won't let her.

Some of them want to give her a sedative. They think she's a danger to herself. If she could do anything but cry, she would tell them she is only a danger to _them_. But she can't, so she won't.

The others think they should wait it out, they want to see what she'll do. They want to study and observe and dissect. No, wait. Dissecting will only happen in the case of her demise. She won't die, _she won't she won't she won't._

Stop. Breathe. Focus. She won't die, she's going to escape. With Volger. She's going to escape with Volger. They'll run away together, and she will find Simon. Not dream-Simon, but real-Simon. The good-Simon, the Simon-who-is-still-alive.

She sucks in a shuddering breath and stills, pressing her pounding head against the cool tile of the floor. (Or is it the wall? Her sense of direction is gone)

The voices pause and then return, hissing like snakes. They are all snakes here, like the serpent in the Garden of Eden. That was what she thought this place was, heaven on earth, but she was wrong. She will leave, escape the snakes.

Yes, focus on escape. Doctor comes with a needle and sticks it in her arm, poison flowing down down down her bloodstream. The rooms goes fuzzy (or even more fuzzy than it has been) and she tilts, head hitting the wall (or floor) with a thump.

Shadows crawl across her vision and she sleeps, dreaming of snakes and blood and escape.


	35. Sleep, Part Two

Chapter 35

She's going back to sleep again, they said. They need to stabilize her, they said. It's for her own protection, they said. Strap her down and stick more needles in her, let the fog come back and swallow her brain whole.

Deep deep down, she's almost happy.

XXXXXXX

She's wandering again. Round and round and round she goes, where she'll stop, nobody knows.

Whoever said that was wrong. Calculating where she will end up is a simple process of gauging mental capacity, cognitive ability, and physical endurance. Then, using blueprints of the school and a chart of what medicines she is on they can plot the most likely course she will take in her journey and pinpoint the exact place she will drop with a margin of error of around five feet, depending on whether she was distracted or not.

_ We'll shop till we drop_, her mother had told her in her first and only attempt for mother-daughter bonding. Now she supposes she will walk till she drops, though it doesn't rhyme. She wonders if it's supposed to. Either way, she is not entirely sure this is what her mother meant.

However, she could be wrong. She is wrong about many things these days.

XXXXXXXXX

Whispers twine like poison through the school, passed and traded and shared through soft breaths in the passage of time between classes. Mouth to ear, ear to paper, paper to hand. Tear the paper into tiny shreds and repeat, murmuring quiet and low so no one can hear.

She follows the paths they leave in the air, trailing after stormy gray and crimson red. She can reach for them but they fall away, dissipating at her touch.

She is as insubstantial as they are, drifting through students like a ghost as she wanders along, always moving following seeking the whispers and the promise of sun.

XXXXXXXX

She is cold now, so cold, and her bones ache and her teeth chatter and her hair freezes and crumbles to tiny pieces at the lightest of touches. (She is a child taken by the Ice Queen with her frozen blue hands, though there are no splinters in her eyes because they are replaced by needles).

XXXXXXXX

River is dancing. She spins and twirls and leaps, following a music only she can hear. As she dances the sun comes out and she becomes warm and she is once again whole.

Twisting and turning and flying she whirls through the school, white feet on white tile, bringing life back to the dead kingdom.

They can't catch her, they can't catch her! She is fast and fluid, taking after her namesake. She slips through their hands and leads them on a wild goose chase, laughing and singing and _dancing dancing dancing_.

XXXXXXXX

River is dancing, but only in her mind. Her feet can't find the steps and her ears can't hear the music. They have stolen the joy, just as they have stolen the sun.

Winter returns to the land and she is buried under a pile of snow.

XXXXXXXX

She can't eat anymore.

She knows that she should eat, that food is a source of energy that humans need to live. But the fork goes into the food and comes out empty, refusing to allow particles to stick to it. Picks up an apple and puts it into her mouth, bite chew swallow. It comes back up later, a stream of acid falling from her lips.

The next time her walks take her to the cafeteria she focuses, shifting fog and forcing herself to turn and walk away. The effort exhausts her and she falls back into her mind, numb and empty and hollow.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tension, so much tension. Whispers and whispers and more whispers. Eyes dart around the room, meeting and falling away again.

The silence is taut, tense. It's too quiet, if that is possible.

River watches, drifting like a waif through the crowded hallways, always looking never touching. (you're not supposed to pet the animals)

She sees strings tangle around feet, sees touches and words and glances. Something's building, waiting to explode.

XXXXXXXXX

_Tick tick tick….._

XXXXXXXXX

Two boys are fighting, screaming and yelling and breaking the silence that shrouds the school. Loud noise and a burst of light and they are at each other's throats, punching and kitting and kicking.

River watches with the rest of the children, hiding right inside the door of an empty room. In another school, they would all be crowding around and chanting.

Now they hang back, whispering and wondering and glancing around nervously. They want to fly, but they are afraid to leave the nest.

She knows they are right to be afraid. At this height with their wing span and muscle strength they will plummet to the ground and snap their wings.

But now two people are fighting and flying and trying not to fall. Children lean in with bated breath, watching their flight path.

Perhaps, if they succeed, they will follow, throwing themselves out of the nest. Mass exodus, they call it in the bible. _Runlikehellandpraytheydon'tcatchup_ is what River calls it. She likes things simple.

XXXXXXXXXX

Crash or fly? Crash or fly?

XXXXXXXXXX

They crash.

Teachers come with hands of blue and pull them apart. Silver rod comes out and then there is blood.

The blood. It covers the walls and paints the floors and there is _so much blood._

Red blood, red tears that come from the eyes, _redredred_.

An example they call it.

There are no words for what River calls it. She screams until she can't scream anymore, and she is not the only one.

She is, however, one of the only ones to scream only in her head. People who are asleep cannot scream, and as such they are smothered. At least there will be no blood. She hates red almost as much as she hates blue.

XXXXXXXXXXX

She finds the window again, but it is covered with bars. She stretches one white, thin hand through, trying to reach the watery sunshine that is beyond.

There is nothing to find. Her fingers probe the air desperately, hoping and wishing and praying.

If wishes were cows, they would be prosperous cattle farmers. River would rather have sun than cows, would rather be warm than full.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

_Fire_. River dreams about it, wonders about it.

It would be better to burn than freeze, she would rather be over in a blaze of agony and _warmth_ than to freeze to death at a place where there is no sun and blue hands and cold metal and needles drain the warmth out of everything.

She wonders if perhaps she can set herself on fire, but she would be caught. They are always watching, even when she can't see it. They would see on the security cameras and stop her.

XXXXXXXXX

Security cameras. Volger. Escape. _She remembers_.

She passes him in the hallway and grabs his hand, clinging as tightly as she can before they continue on and she must relinquish her hold.

They will escape, and she will have sunlight again.

XXXXXXXXXX

More needles, always more.

They draw them out of her head and her arms and wake her back up.

_Welcome back_, they tell her.

It's been three weeks. She doesn't plan on being here for another _one_. She needs the sun.


	36. All Knowledge Is Worth Having

**Chapter 36**

Her fingers clench the pencil tighter as the teacher walks past, talking and talking about something she has long since stopped paying attention to.

The codes are still locked in her memory, buried deep deep deep where no one but her (she hopes) can find them.

But she still has to map the school, plot the best escape route, and pinpoint every guard and security camera in the whole building. Who will discover them missing first, how they will best respond. Everything must be known, nothing left to chance.

Volger is working on learning the guards, their shifts and movements so like the tide; ebb and flow, ebb and flow. Like clockwork with a dance, a heart.

Lead tip trails equations across the paper, and she finds herself missing the smooth flow of a calligraphy brush with ink black as night. Smooth velvet and rippling silk and-

Focus. She must not lose her concentration, not now. But her brain jumps and leaps and twists, scattering off in different directions and chasing random thoughts. She is not in control, not really.

Control. Control is not power, not really. Knowledge is power, yes, and she is the smartest person in the building. She wanted wisdom, needed it like some people need air or water, but not this type of knowledge.

She is not interested in the coldness of a sword and the detachment of a gun. She would rather know the grace of dance and the warmth of the sun.

She puts down her pencil and leaves with her classmates, her paper firmly in hand. She has everything she needs now

Knowledge is power, but not all knowledge is worth having, and some types are more powerful than others.

And some she will have to learn, though the thought fills her with sorrow and leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.

All knowledge is worth having, regardless the cost. (She is unsure whether this thought is really hers, thinks that perhaps she found it, floating in the air, and absorbed it).


	37. Running

**Chapter 37**

Running. She is running, down the hallways and corridors, ducking through rooms and hurtling around corners.

Her muscles hurt; they haven't been used like this for weeks-eight, to be exact. She runs faster, ignores the pain and the lack of breath and the footsteps behind her.

Run, fast like the wind.

She turns a corner and slams into someone, falling in an arc to the ground. (Her mind generates equations and numbers, scrolling across the air in front of her).

She scrambles to her feet, already preparing to fight. Her hands sting, her mouth is filled with the taste of blood.

But the person is already grabbing her arm, dragging her along. It's only Volger, she realizes as she stumbles. She runs faster.

Together they fly towards the exit, zig-zagging their way through the guards' routes, already aware of where each guard in the building is.

River's mind formulates a map of the building, each person a glowing dot. Red for students, white for teachers and doctors (though they are all the same), green for the guards, blue for the men.

Three green dots start an interception course and River spins. This time it is she that is doing the pulling and Volger the one doing the following. Together they run down another hall, through another room.

They have followed their route perfectly; the guards are spread out all over the building, trying desperately to follow their path. The powers-that-be will not shut the school down and section it off in little pieces, they will risk trapping valuable personnel needed to apprehend the flight risks.

River smiles (almost) and then freezes, Volger running into her from behind. Green dots are swarming, calculations streaming along behind them. Somewhere, the blue dots approach with white in tow.

There is no help for it, they will have to engage.

She informs Volger using a language that all the students have developed (a mixture of head jerks, finger points, and wide eyes) to convey the message in a way that will not be picked up on audio.

The guards, five of them, round the corner and they attack, sweeping legs and efficient punches, to leave the men laying on the floor unconscious.

They continue onward, picking their way over the bodies and heading to the exit. The freedom, it's so close River can almost taste it. Sunlight and fresh air and green grass beneath her feet.

The doors are there, gray and incongruous. River runs faster, hands outstretched, reaching reaching reaching…

The door is locked, and she bounces off of it, falling onto Volger.

Green dots are swarming, and the blue ones are closer. And now there is white, coming with needles and drugs.

She slams her foot into the window, shattering the glass. Serves them right for not investing in stronger breakable materials. She stretches her arm through, ignoring the glass scratching her arm, and scrabbles for the handle on the other side.

Fingers touch the lock and then the door is open and Volger dives through it. River turns to follow but her arm is stuck in the narrow opening. She starts to pick away at the glass, but guards round the corner and she rips her arm free, pain lancing through her and almost driving her to her knees.

But no, she must run and so she staggers to her feet and slams the door behind her, staggering after Volger.

Outside. She is outside. She cannot pause to admire this fact, but the fact remains. The grass is soft beneath her feet, the suns beating down a blinding white that hurts her eyes. There is no warmth in their light, but she welcomes it anyway.

Behind her there are more shouts, more guards. Volger is ahead of her; not looking, not caring.

She doubles her efforts and overtakes him easily, although blood loss is beginning to affect her senses and make her weak and dizzy. But she must make it to the forest, still several hundred meters away, and then she will be safe.

The forest is untamed, wild. They will not find her there.

Shots ring out, and she ducks, stumbling and falling, then redoubles her pace when there is no burst of pain.

There are shouts, rebuking the shooters. They want them alive. They did not add uninjured. River notices, and wonders if perhaps Volger does too.

She looks at him, stumbling along next to her, then behind her. There are twenty guards, running as fast as they can. In front of them are the blue gloves, barely breaking a jog and yet rapidly gaining. If they do not reach the forest in the next two minutes, they are dead.

Faster faster faster, she must run _faster_!Feet flying and dancing and-

there's a hole and she's falling and pain and-

she slams into the ground, Volger landing heavily next to her. She shoves herself to her feet, her arm-now bleeding at an alarming rate-refusing to support her. She manages to (barely) avoid the grabbing hands and stumbles forwards.

The blue hands are shouting, but not in any language she recognizes. And she speaks all of them. She almost pauses, but decides better.

Five more steps and she is in the forest, slipping and sliding in the dirt and the weeds and the underbrush.

She weaves her way between tree trunks, stumbling and falling over exposed roots. She trips over something and goes hurtling downwards, falling painfully down a steep slope.

She lands in a heap, her mouth filled with leaves. She spits them out and struggles upwards. She has to move on. Moving, always moving. If she stops, she dies.

Trip and fall and she forces her way through the forest, branches whipping her face and scratching her arms and legs. She wishes she could climb a tree, but it would be too easy to be surrounded.

She is beginning to feel seriously sick; the cuts on her arm are still dripping blood, though it has slowed and it's mostly a thick red mess of drying blood.

Footsteps sound, branches cracking, and she takes off again. More shouts, and her head is spinning and spinning and spinning.

There's a clearing and she falls into it. She spins, but there are men blocking her path. Around and around and-

she feels her body give way and thud onto the forest floor. Everything's blurring and fading and two shoes fill her vision.

Then there's a blue hand and someone's lifting her, restraining her, but she slides out of their hands and lands back on the ground.

Metallic blood fills her mouth and then the black hovering at the edges of her vision rushes in and she's out.


	38. Lost in the Woods

**Chapter 38**

Ow. Owowowowow. Everything _hurts_. Her head and her legs and her eyes and _please make it stop!_

But, there are no sounds of lab techs and beeping machines and the caps being taken off of needles, and her cheek is pressed into something cool and firm but soft, not frigid unyielding metal.

Her eyes whip open and she hurls herself upright, already preparing for a trick, a trap. She staggers backwards, every nerve in her body firing thousands of pain signals through to her brain, and she feels herself slam back down onto the cool soft-firmness.

Slowly the world steadies and clarifies and she stops hurting so badly.

She's, _she's in the forest._ Green leaves and brown dirt and warm sunlight. She looks around, waits for it to shimmer and vanish and deposit her back in a lab or her room or anywhere but here.

Nothing happens and she can feel the paranoia grip her, turning her blood to ice and her heart into a hummingbird and _this isn't real, it isn't real!_

Can't be real, must be a trap, a trick. Something bad is going to happen and then there will be pain and doctors with needles and she will be back in the cold white blue place.

But nothing happens, and she opens her eyes (closed in fright) and looks around cautiously.

It is the same place she collapsed, the same place where the men with blue hands came and picked her up and she blacked out before they could take her back.

There is no one there though, and she looks around and around and around until her neck aches (thrumming with the pain running through the rest of her body) and she is dizzy.

Perhaps she imagined it? This is the most likely scenario, although the lines between _likely_ and_ actually_ have been blurred lately, almost as bad as the lines between _reality_ and _dreams._

She picks herself up, staggering and stumbling and falling down several more times before she manages to stay on her feet for longer than five seconds.

The forest around her sways alarmingly, and her headache kicks up a few more notches in response, but she is still upright and thinking clearly, or at least as clearly as she can think now.

River remembers long ago, when Simon had attempted to teach her basic survival training after he read about it in one of his books. She had ignored him, because she had been focusing mostly on rewriting their father's cortex codes to give her access to the websites he did not think were 'appropriate' for a five-year-old, but now she thinks back and tries to remember.

There is fog and blurriness and barriers, but she remembers enough, and she looks up at the sky and attempts to pinpoint her position. All she gets are sun spots and more of a headache.

_Look around, retrace your steps_. She follows the sound of Simon's voice blindly, and her hazy memory realigns the falling and the running and the hands onto the landscape.

She turns and stumbles in the opposite direction of the Academy, determined to put as much distance as she can between herself and _that place_ and _those people_.

She is out of the clearing and into the woods before her mind has time to retrieve the next bit of information, and she has to stop and wait and think think think through all the distractions in her way.

It did not used to be so hard to retrieve a memory, she thinks, but she is unsure. She cannot remember very much, although she is unsure whether or not that is because of the headache or the drugs or make-believe fantasy wishes. Perhaps she was always like this, and she has deluded herself with hopes and dreams of Simon.

Freeze, rethink, replay. This thought, _it isn't hers!_ It feels of scalpels and tastes of chemicals and _get it out, get it out!_

Fingers claw at her skull, trying to drive the thought away, but it clings and it won't leave, it won't leave! Blood trickles down her head and she is screaming screaming screaming and-

_be quiet! _She grabs a tree trunk and slides to the ground, blood-stained fingers clamped over her mouth, and waits for there to be shouts and footsteps and men (because surely they are out looking for her, surely she will not be allowed to just walk away).

But no one comes and she feels herself relaxing, hands sliding off her face and landing in the dirt beside her, curling up and scraping furrows in the ground.

She can feel tears sliding their way down her cheeks, can feel the scratches on her scalp and forehead burning and stinging. Her attack has opened up older wounds, older invasions, and she cries harder, wishing that _thing_ in her head that is-not-hers will liquidize and free itself from her fragile brain.

But that is not the case and she clambers back up onto her feet, wipes her hands on her dirty, threadbare jeans, and retrieves Simon's next words from deep within her brain.

_Take stock of any injuries_, the words caution. She has claw marks on her face, and a thrumming pain behind her eyes, and a splitting headache. She inspects her legs, her knees, her palms.

Her legs have scratches, her palms and knees scraped and sore from numerous falls on hard ground and tile floors. But it is her arm that makes her turn her head and throw up the little that is still in her stomach from breakfast.

Her left arm is fine, although scratched and stained with blood. But her right, _oh her right_, the one caught in the door, is coated with drying and dried blood. A thick jagged cut reaches from her wrist up to her elbow, and she knows there will be a nasty scar when it heals. _If _it heals. If she gets treatment. If she can escape.

She has lost too much blood, almost two liters. This is called a class three hemorrhage, and her mind instantly provides all the symptoms and treatments. She needs help, and she needs it _now._ She realizes in shock she has turned herself around, looking back through the trees to the invisible Academy.

"No." Her voice is stale and rusty after no use except for screaming for weeks, but it is still a shock and she jumps, glancing around in terror for the other person. When she realizes it was just herself she hangs her head in shame (if Simon could only see her now) and clears her throat.

"No," she repeats louder. "No, no, no!" The last one is almost a scream, and she giggles that there is no one there to yell at her, to tell her to be quiet.

Still murmuring her mantra under her breath, she turns away from the Academy and begins stumbling through the trees. She knows that this planet (for the life of her she cannot remember the name) is inhabited by some individuals who preferred their own company to that of others.

At the time she read that, she had thought it was odd that there were no towns nearby, but now she knows that it is because the Alliance would not risk having curious townspeople finding out about the true purpose of the Academy.

As she walks along, clutching her arm close to her for protection, she looks around, waiting to see a house or a person not wearing a guard uniform or_ something._

There is no one and nothing and she can feel herself weakening, the edges of her vision blurring and melding and sliding together in a riot of colliding colors.

Her legs give out and she lands on the ground, her teeth biting her gum and her tongue and filling her mouth with more blood, more metal (at this rate she will never stop tasting it).

She wonders if dying will be painful, or if it will be like going to sleep. It is certainly better than going back to the Academy and the blue hands and she smiles, feeling her brain shutting down piece by piece.

And then, with the clarity and pain of a lightning bolt, she remembers Simon. If she dies, it will be doubtful that they will inform him of her death, and he will think her letters not coming will mean that she has forgotten him. He will be hurt and confused and maybe, _maybe he will hate her._

The horror of that thought sends her mind reeling, ejecting it sharply from the pleasant fuzziness that has filled it. There is no choice for it, she must survive.

She tries to lift her arms, but they are weak and heavy and she can't move them, can only stir them weakly. Her eyelids flicker, closing briefly and then reopening only halfway, allowing her glimpses of the dark emptiness beyond. The sight scares her more than the blue hands ever did, and she realizes she would rather be there, be anywhere, rather than dead and trapped in that horrifying empty _nothingness_.

She gathers the rest of her strength into a burning ember in her chest and screams as loudly as she can, louder than she has ever screamed for the needles and the drugs and the hands before.

Scream scream scream until your lungs give out and you need to breathe, and then scream some more. She screams one more time, and then her chin lands once more on the ground.

Her eyes flicker closed, and she hears footsteps (too late, too late) and hands touch her face, cradle her chin, and she waits for pain, but there is no cold latex, only soft skin.

And then she is moving and lifting and flying and her head lolls forward and rests against her rescuer (captor's?) chest and she knows no more.


	39. MEGA IMPORTANT

**Author's Note: Please Read**

Dear Readers:

It saddens me to say this, but lately I have noticed that interest in Disturbia has been declining. I spend a lot of time and effort writing and posting this fic, and I really love doing it, but when there is no interest in reading, there is no interest in writing.

As of yet, I have received 31 reviews for Disturbia, 24 of which have been from the same person, RionaEire, who I thank very much for supporting this story. I also thank the people who have favorite and followed this fic, and the other seven people who reviewed, but I must face the facts, and the facts are that there is not much interest in my story.

I love writing this, as I said before, but I live off of constructive criticism and feedback to help me improve my work and share my love of Firefly with other Firefly fans.

So, with great sadness, I must announce that I am planning to end Disturbia, if not forever than for a very long time. I will not remove the story from the site, but I will not be updating again save for in a few days, where I will post the very last chapter I ever wrote for Disturbia.

Thank you to all who read this fic,

I Can Kill You With My Brain.

(And yes, sister dear, because I know you are reading this and probably about to start yelling my name so you can chew me out, thank you muchly for telling me what you thought about each chapter, but you don't really count).


	40. Continuing On

**Author's Note the Second**

Wow, thank you all so much! Especially Violet Temperance, meddrama, Othiara, and schur655, who all reviewed my story! (And thank you sister dear. See? I'm mentioning you. No need to kill me). I also want to thank schur655 for all the PM messages, always brightens my day! And thanks to all the PMers who asked me to continue the story but preferred to remain anonymous.

I told myself that if people reviewed or PMed in a large enough number, I would continue posting. It's nice to see that at least seven people are still reading!

So tomorrow, I will post the next chapter of Disturbia, and continue on. Just remember that reviews are love, and let me know that you are still alive and reading. (Once again, sister, you don't count).

Much thanks, I Can Kill You With My Brain.


	41. White Blinding Bright

**Chapter 39**

….

…

…

_White. There is white. All around her, white white white white _white. _Soft and warm and unending white._

_She doesn't like it. White isn't supposed to be warm or soft. It's supposed to be harsh and cold and tinted blue silver red._

_ Maybe she's dead. Maybe this is what being dead is like. But, she can't be dead. She won't be dead. If she's dead she won't see Simon, won't be able hug him and tell him she loves him._

_ So, she isn't dead. She won't let herself be. She should wake up. _

_ Turns the thought over in her mind, of waking up. Open her eyes and sit up and run dance sing. But she's so tired, and waking up means going back to the needles and the tables. Means going back to harsh lights and blue hands._

_ Perhaps she will stay in this fake-white-light for a little longer. Just so she can rest…_

…

…

…

_ She's back in the white. Floating, disconnected consciousness. The light is still lying, the white still too soft to be real._

_ But there is still no pain, no needles, and she lets herself relax like she has not in five months. White drowns her vision, and she jerks back up, trying to catch herself with no body._

_ Something beeps loudly and she frowns, winces, tries to dislodge the noise. This is her place, her place of quiet and light and lying white._

_ She giggles (it rhymes) and lets the white crowd out the beep and her thoughts and her vision and sees white only white._

_ Colors dance at the corners of her eyes and she sees purple and orange and bright shimmering green. Eye popping pink and electric yellow and something that is almost a color but not. (At least not one she can identify)._

_ She hasn't seen these shades in so long, it is entirely plausible she has forgotten one. But there is no blue or silver or red and she smiles laughs cries and forgets that place with those people waiting for her on the other side of the white._

…

…

…

___She needs to wake up. She knows this, really she does. But it's so _nice_ here, so peaceful. Maybe she can replace her memories of white with this shade, disassociate herself from the screams and the tears and the pain._

_ Maybe she can fade, dissolve into atoms and blow through this white space, drifting and tumbling and never stopping._

Maybe she doesn't have to wake up.

…

…

…

_ Simon. She must remember him, remember his smiles and his eyes and his face. Think, what was his favorite color? His favorite food? Favorite subject in school, favorite book, favorite game? What did his face look like when he was happy, sad, watching a sunset or her dancing?_

_ All these things are intangible, wisps of smoke floating around in her memory banks and she must not let them go._

_ Simon is her brother, her best friend, her savior. He will save her, take her away from that cold place and those cold men and those cold tables and needles and chairs (everything is so cold!) and he will bring her back to the sun and the stars and the moon and thaw her out so the snow will melt and drip clear water and the River will flow free once again._

_ But first she must wake up._

…

…

...

_Awareness. It's not really awareness if you're not really awake, is it? Because the human brain cannot process information when the host body is unconscious (drugs, injury, still lying in that forest?). There have been studies about coma patients, but they are theories, no facts and the electric currents shouldn't be flowing like this, her whole brain alive._

_ There are five people in this room, this room of fifty by twenty feet with a ceiling height of sixteen. Five people, one of them her. Three people on the far end, whispering and moving, doctors but not neuroscientists (a long complicated word for _monster_ and _evil_ and _pain_). There is someone next to her, but she doesn't care about them, cares only about herself._

_ There is a needle in her arm and she doesn't like this at all! No, no needles! Needles are bad and they're poison and _get it out!

_ Loud beeps and there is a machine next to her and it's beeping and drilling into her mind drilling drilling drilling please God make it stop just make it stop!_

_ Louder and louder and she wants the quiet white back, she doesn't care if it lies and beckons and gives false comfort and takes Simon away she just wants it back!_

Beep beep beep beep beeeep...

_The doctors come running and there are more needles and the man next to her gets up and there are so many needles and the beeping won't stop and _STOP STOP STOP!

_Beep beep beeeep…there are no more beeps and there is a line and what is this everything's going black and she doesn't like it!_

…

…

…

_Pain and flash and she is awake and flying and she slams back back back against the bed and people are yelling and more needles more drugs and falling falling falling…_

…

...

…

_There is awareness again, but not the fuzzy one of before, with the needles and the pain and the men (doctors)._

_ She cannot tell how large this room is (although logic dictates she is still in the same room as before) or how many people besides the man next to her (and that is only because she can hear him breathing)._

_ The sheets are soft and cool beneath her, and she tenses, expects a trap (because if you are comfortable then it is a lie and they will come and yank it all away; better to be safe than sorry)._

_ But no one comes and she lets herself relax, and she is tired so tired and maybe she will sleep just a while longer._

…

…

…

_She opens her eyes, black-red parting and showing white blinding bright pouring down on her, sending pain lancing through her head oh her head it _hurts!

_ She moves a hand to touch it and finds it restrained, something pulling it down when she moves it sideways._

_ Needle. There is a needle in her arm. Get it out get it out _get it out!

_ She waves her arms and struggles and grabs and rips the needle out and _that hurts it hurts owowowow!

_ People yelling and grabbing and she lashes out, hands colliding with skin and teeth and she is flailing blindly, eyes screwed up against too much light and the pain running through her and her spinning head._

_ Someone grabs her arm and shoves it down and she knows there will be a needle so she forces her eyes open and sees the glint of sun on metal and her eyes focus on the man next to her bed and in the second between consciousness and sleep she sees Simon. _


	42. Waking Up

**Chapter 40**

She shifts in her bed, knowing she should get up and go to school, but she doesn't want to. Sleep still clings to her, a heavy black blanket draped over her eyes, wisps of dreams still floating through her head.

In the distance she can hear people talking, moving. The statistical probability is that it is Simon, awake and eating breakfast, getting ready for university.

She smiles and stirs under her covers, and then freezes as cool cotton presses against the backs of her legs. In the background Simon's movements and voice morph into soft hospital whispers and the sounds of machines beeping.

She relaxes, feigning sleep, fighting the urge to hurl herself up up up. Slowly, like she is dreaming, she tugs her arms and feels resistance around her wrists.

Handcuffs. They are padded, soft, not biting metal, but they are restraints nonetheless. Every muscle in her body is tensing, waiting for an explosion of pain or an alarm or _something_, but there is nothing, nothing and nothing and more nothing.

Slowly, hesitantly, she cracks open one eye. Bright light immediately overwhelms her and the other eye snaps open, her hands tugging uselessly against the restraints as they struggle to cover her eyes.

There is a blur and the movement of a shadow passing across her vision and a pair of hands looms in her front of her, stretching for her face.

She lashes out with her legs, kicking wildly. The hands vanish as suddenly as they appeared and there is a cry of exclamation.

Her eyes adjust, although she is still squinting, and she sees a man, completely unfamiliar, standing next to her bed, his hands raised in a slightly defensive posture.

She glares up at him and bares her teeth, an animal caught in a trap. She is half-way up, her hands curled around the cuffs, her legs drawn into a loose posture of defense where she can kick the man in the nose if he tries to touch her again.

"River, I need you to relax," soothes the man. His voice is gentle, his eyes soft, and she hesitates, uncertain and confused.

But then he reaches for her again and she hisses again, bracing herself to slam her foot in his face. He draws back again, putting his hands into the air in a gesture of surrender.

She struggles upright until she is sitting with her back braced against the wall, pulling herself as far back as the shackles will let her. She does not trust this man, this place. Appearances are deceiving, and she will not fall into this trap.

"River." The tone is still soft, not annoyed or angry or chiding, and she falters again, confusion breaking out across her face before she can contain it behind an expressionless mask.

"You're safe now River," the man continues, carefully lowering himself into the chair next to her bed. She flinches away from him, from his comment. She is never safe, not_ here_. Not in this place of needles and metal.

"You lost a lot of blood, more than is healthy. You were very sick for a while, so you're here to get better. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

River frowns in annoyance. _Understanding is not the issue._ It is the comprehension that is beyond her. She knows she was lying in the woods bleeding, she does not understand how she got _here_.

The man must sense her confusion, because he continues in that same soothing voice. It is beginning to irk her; the man must think her an idiot if he believes she will trust him.

"One of the inhabitants in the nearby woods heard you screaming and rushed you here. You're in a hospital River, and we're going to help you get better."

Better. He is going to help her get _better_? He (or at least his colleagues) are the reasons she was out there in the first place. They are the reasons she was bleeding to death. She shifts, and the tugging on her wrists makes her eyes narrow further. Oh yes, she will get_ better_ from being tied to the bed.

The man must see her anger, her distrust, because he sighs and leans forwards, ignoring her flinch.

"These are for your own protection, don't you remember? You were hallucinating and attempted to pull out the life support system. You caused yourself to flat line. You _died_ for a few moments."

She casts her mind back, tries to remember. Remembering is hard these days; so much is gone in a fog of muddled emotions and piercing colors. But she remembers flashing and beeping and screams (hers and not hers) mixing together in the air until she was swallowed alive.

"River," the man begins. He says something else, something about safety and trust and medicine, but she does not hear him. _River_. He knows her name. How does he know her name? He can't, he can't. Unless, unless. She jerks forwards, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"My name." Her words are thick and fuzzy, her throat dry and aching. She is unaccustomed to speaking, but she will speak anyway. "How do you know my name?" She struggles to get the words in the right order, desperate to get her point across.

He frowns at her, genuine confusion on his face.

"Didn't I say? The citizen who brought you here was unaware of your identity, so we sent out an alert with your description. A gentleman identifying himself as a family member turned up a few days ago and told us your name. He's been waiting for three days for you to wake back up; I'm afraid you've been unconscious for almost a week. You did lose rather a large amount of blood."

He stares at her face searchingly. "I can go find him if you would like? He went to get something to eat." Without waiting for her reply he gets up and hurries away, leaving her sitting by herself in the empty room.

Dr. Mathias. It has to be him, there is no one else. Or perhaps one of the blue-handed men, but she doubts it. The doctor-man said one person, and they are always together. Two by two, hands of blue. The phrase haunts her from somewhere, reminds her of something, but she has neither the time nor the inclination to find out. After all, what is in her head is sometimes better left undisturbed; after stirring up the dust she finds she has trouble putting everything back in its original place. Besides, there are more troubling things to worry about.

If it is Dr. Mathias, she will have to go with him, or else tell the doctor-man what is really going on. But she knows he will not believe her word over his, after all, she is an unstable patient who managed to actually kill herself. Dr. Mathias could simply claim hallucinations, or paranoia brought on by a near death experience.

Besides, this was probably a small, poor hospital for the few inhabitants this side of the planet. It was a miracle she had been found by someone instead of bleeding out, a one in ten million chance.

And these people, they already know too much. Soon they will know more. They will know she is a student of the prestigious Academy, found bleeding out in the woods. They can say accident or lost or homesick runaway, but still they will know. They are risks. They will be dealt with.

She can feel the panic rising and fights it down with everything she has, desperate to remain in control. It is easier to think, outside of that place. The blue handed men and Dr. Mathias are not here, and there are no drugs to pollute her mind.

Her thought process is still blurred, still slow, but she attributes it to weakness, chalks it up to blood loss. Forces herself to forget the rambling and the splitting and that single space of time where she felt everything in the room. Near-death experience, she tells herself, and focuses on escaping.

The cuffs are padded but tough, metal under cotton and she tugs uselessly, feeling her skin chafing under the contact. She looks around for keys, for something sharp, for anything, but there is nothing nothing nothing and she sinks back into the bed, defeated.

Footsteps echo in the hallway outside and she is immediately upright, every muscle taut, every nerve on end. She won't go back she won't go back she won't go back won't won't won't _won't._

The doctor-man enters, and steps aside, and she sees not Dr. Mathias but Simon.

"This is your brother," says the doctor-man, but Simon is already stepping forwards, a smile lighting his blue eyes and crinkling his face.

"Hey River, still managing to get into trouble?"

**A/N: About the time frame of this story: River entered the Academy when she was fourteen and spent two years and change inside. She was rescued when she was sixteen by her brother, Simon. This story is slightly divided into four chunks of six months (although for the last one possibly an extra month or two) and each correlates to one R. Tam session. This part relates to the second, the second for the third, the third to the fourth, and the last one to none at all, as it is mostly the final descent of River Tam into psychosis. As for all of you who are unsure: five months have elapsed since River Tam entered the Academy. Any additional questions, please PM me and I will be more than happy to answer them. **


	43. Simon

**Chapter 41**

"Simon?" It was little more than a whimper, sliding unintentionally out of her mouth. She swallowed hard, a painful lump growing in the back of her throat, and blinked back the tears that threatened to overflow.

Simon smiled, his face concerned, and took a step closer to her. The doctor-man standing next to him caught his arm, stopping him before he got any closer.

Simon turned to him, eyes confused, and the man shifted uncomfortably.

"Your sister has displayed some, well, _violent_ qualities, and I'm not entirely sure-"

The rest of his words faded away as River swallowed hard, suddenly seeing herself as Simon must: crazy and ragged and strapped to a bed. And, by all indications, suicidal. She fought back the tears valiantly, but they overwhelmed her and slid down her face.

Simon instantly yanked away from the doctor, ignoring his cry of exclamation, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close despite everything.

She tugged uselessly at her hands, desperate to hug him back. Five months, _five months_, and she wasn't allowed to hug him. More tears overspilled, but underneath the despair there was anger, blindingly scorchingly hot.

Simon pulled away and, one hand wrapping around her still-shackled one, turned back to the doctor-man.

"My sister is fine. What caused her reaction was a response to a traumatic event. How would you feel if you woke up in a hospital full of strangers without knowing how you came to be there, shackled to the bed? I believe she has behaved quite admirably under the circumstances, Dr. Andrews. Now I request you release her immediately."

Dr. Andrews (because that must be his name, River surmised) drew back slightly, looking affronted at her brother's tone. River bit down on her lip to hold in a smile. Same old Simon.

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't believe you're objective enough to make that assumption. We should keep your sister under observation for the next twenty-four hours to make sure she has entirely recovered from her 'traumatic accident'."

River felt that anger again, churning in her stomach. How dare this man keep her tied up like an animal? _You are one_, her inner voice sang tauntingly. She savagely ignored it, glaring at Dr. Andrews.

She'd felt this anger before, back at the Academy, when a classmate laughed too loudly, or someone gave a wrong answer, or if someone was openly patronizing, but it had been fleeting and pale in comparison, tramped down with the fear that filled the air and made it difficult to breathe.

But now, _but now_, it was white-hot and her entire vision was filled with red.

"Shut up!" she spat, glaring at him. She wanted to kill him, and the urge terrified her, made her want to hide. But the anger overrode it and she felt the angry words on her tongue, ready to lash out at him. "Just shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!"

Dr. Andrews blinked and took a step back, his mouth working furiously without producing a sound. Simon stared at her in shock, and looking at him all the words evaporated in her mouth, leaving behind the taste of charred ash, and the anger vanished, dormant once more.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling herself back up into her ball, feeling herself shaking. She wanted to disappear forever. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to." Her voice broke, and she curled up further, desperate to get away from Simon's shocked gaze.

"River," started Simon, and she could hear him moving, reaching for her, and she smiled bitterly to herself. Even her violent mood swings weren't enough to scare Simon away; she remembered the one time she had been banned from dance lessons for insulting guests at dinner (because, apparently, attempting to discuss politics was insulting) and she'd yelled at everyone to leave her alone, her anger bathing the entire house, and Simon had braved screams and insults and thrown physics textbooks to give her a shoulder to cry on.

"River, it's okay. It's okay." He bent awkwardly over the bed, trying to comfort her without the ability to sit, and she had to laugh through her tears, because he was so _so _wrong, and she wanted him to be right so badly it hurt.

"It's not okay," she sobbed, and all the words she wanted to say, the words she couldn't give voice to for weeks, fell out of her mouth in no direction other than forwards.

"I see things that aren't there, and people scream all the time, but no one hears because they only scream in their heads; if you scream out loud you get punished, because it's all so _perfect_." She spit the words out, although they were not fueled by anger so much as there were far far too many of them.

"And, my head hurts, and I can't talk, and there are needles, and the two by two hands of blue, and they have scalpels, and they want you to eat the fruit, but you can't, because they're snakes and they have poison and they make you see train stations and trains that you're late for, but then you come and it's all right but then you get hit, and it's not all right, it won't ever be all right, because you're dead and I'm left with the snakes and I felt everything even though I was sleeping and why didn't you write to me?"

The words fell out in a tangle, and she knew how they were supposed to go, but they didn't fit in the neat structures she tried to put them in, so she let them come out in bits and pieces. She knew how she got from one subject to another, could see the bridges, but there seemed to be parts missing, and she wasn't sure exactly where they went. It didn't matter though, because finally the weight was off her chest and she could breathe, actually breathe, again.

Simon drew back slightly, his eyes confused as he attempted to unravel her speech.

"I don't think-" he started uncertainly, but Dr. Andrews cut him off, having recovered from her earlier outburst. He bustled forward, hiding behind a smug mask.

"I told you that your sister was mentally unwell; I fear there are repercussions we do not know about yet. As I said, perhaps it would be better to leave her under observation. Don't you agree?"

Simon hesitated, looking like he wanted to argue, but not entirely sure he didn't believe his statement, and River sighed, exhaustion weighing down on her suddenly.

"It's a code Simon," she said, trying to give him a clue and herself an explanation for why all the words came out like that. "Just have to figure it out."

She made an effort to smile at him, but her muscles were far-underused and she feared the attempt was not exactly successful. He smiled back though, relief in his eyes, and she felt her smile become a little brighter.

He believed in her, even when she was babbling madness and tied to a bed in a hospital. He believed in her.

"I will request again that you let her go," he told Dr. Andrews, "or I will remove her from this hospital immediately."

Dr. Andrews hesitated, weighing his oath to do no harm over his personal safety (and possibly that of others) and nodded reluctantly.

"Very well," he said, and stepped forwards with the key. River pulled away from him slightly, not entirely trusting him to not give her a shot of morphine to knock her out, and watched silently as he undid the cuffs.

The second he was done she jerked forwards and threw her arms around Simon, narrowly avoiding clipping Dr. Andrews in the face with her elbow, and clung to Simon tightly, digging her fingers into his shirt. It was almost like the train station, with the exception that this was real and she wouldn't let him go.

Eventually she felt Simon stir and she pulled away, still clinging tightly to his hands.

"Can she get up?" Simon asked Dr. Andrews, his tone scrupulously polite, and with a mocking tint so low only she could detect it.

Dr. Andrews hesitated, looked at River, who looked back and tried to convey with her expression that so help her god she would get up despite what he said, and gave a reluctant nod.

"I suppose," he sighed. Simon turned and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she swung her legs over the railing of the bed and carefully placed her feet on the floor.

Once, long ago, she might have hissed at the cold tile, but that was long ago, and she had walked barefoot on colder floors than this for days at a time.

She stood, clinging to Simon for balance, and felt her knees give out from under her. Simon caught her and pulled her upright, waiting for her to adjust to supporting her weight upright again. She carefully managed a few wobbling steps, still clutching Simon's arm, before releasing it and trying a few by herself.

She staggered once more, caught herself, and adjusted her brain and muscles accordingly. Then, carefully carefully, she tried to walk like she used to, with Simon; not hunched over slightly like she was trying to hide, but with her head up and her gait confident.

It was strange and she could feel her shoulders curling over and over again no matter how many times she adjusted them, but she managed it, and turned back to see Simon beaming at her.

Then his gaze slid to her right arm and his smile dimmed, the light in his eyes dying just a little bit, and she followed his line of sight to see her right forearm, wrapped with thick white bandages, and she remembers the glass and the door and the blood.

She met his gaze and gave him a weak smile, trying to apologize. He smiled back and crossed the room to hug her again.

"I'm so glad you're safe," he said, his eyes shiny from tears he will not shed. She smiles back up at him and tries to apologize mentally about the River she has become; damaged and scarred and slightly crazy.

"It'll heal," she tells him, and he smiles.

"I know. Leave a wicked scar though." She frowned at the thought, wondering what that would look like, and one hand travels absently up to her head, fingers hovering over the scar on her head.

This scar, she will not tell him about. This scar will remain her secret. It is enough that Simon is here, she will not tell him about the fighting and the needles and the men with the blue hands who strapped her down to a chair while doctors looked on. He will not understand, will be broken and furious and horrified.

It is enough that he is here, for now. Perhaps later she will tell him about what truly happened there; for now, he needs only to know that she doesn't want to go back. Of course her accident will be investigated, but she will not face Dr. Mathias or any of the other people there.

She felt a twinge of remorse for Tiri, and Volger, and Lauren, and all the other students, but she has learned to harden herself over the months, learned to put her survival first (except, of course, over Simon, because Simon is her better half, and she will gladly die so he can live).

She will say simply that she does not like it there and will locate, privately and by herself, the parents, and inform them that their children are unhappy, would they please take them out? Perhaps she will drop hints on the major sites on her cortex, say that the Academy is not all that it seems.

But she will absolutely _not_ get Simon in the crossfire. His safety is her first priority.

"So, how do you feel?" he asks, not noticing (or perhaps pretending not to) her lack of attention.

She smiled at him. "Better. Much better."

He nodded, looked around for Dr. Andrews, saw him across the room with another nurse, and turned back to her.

"Want to go to the cafeteria? You must be hungry." She nods and smiles, and follows him out of the room. For now, she is happy to be with Simon. She will deal with the consequences later.

**A/N: If you hate this and want to be mega-negative, just PM me. Don't be using the reviews to vent at me. I welcome constructive criticism, but using reviews to be downright mean is not cool. So, you know, if you really have to rant, or have any questions, PM me.**


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